Dream Walker
by aindah
Summary: Kuchiki Byakuya thought that after three decades of priesthood there was nothing that could make him waver. However, one stormy night brings a stranger within the walls of the monastery, complicating the priest's life. AU, some OoCness.
1. Prologue: The Stranger

**AN** -_ This is a Bleach fanfiction. Featuring Abarai Renji & Kuchiki Byakuya as main characters. It takes place in an imaginary country called Fenore (the eastern part), mostly within the closed walls of a monastery. Byakuya is a high priest. Renji is something of a professional wanderer. Things change._

_**Please review.**_

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The storm was getting worse. The rain hit his face furiously, slanted by the freezing wind. He was soaking wet, and he was pretty sure that, if the wind was not making so much noise, he would hear his bones rattling. The exhaustion did not help. Every single muscle in his body screamed for relief. But there was little choice. In the dead of the night, after having walked for god knows how many miles, there was no light ahead… There was no light anywhere. Heavy, seaborne clouds hung low, obscuring the celestial light, and there was no man-made light around. The mud was knee-deep, or so it seemed, as he fought for each step. He shrugged off the assailing desperation, taking yet another step, pushing aside yet another branch. He managed two steps before he dived, face first, into the mud. He gagged with disgust, as his mouth and his nose filled up with wet dirt. That was pretty much it. Definitely the lowest point in his life. No money, no shelter, taking a mud bath in the middle of nowhere, with no destination. Marvellous. Just perfect.

He tried wrestling against the mud, and finally making peace with his pathetic state, he chose to crawl ahead. It has finally happened. He was reduced to a beast, a four-legged creature crawling through the mud. It would have been easier to give up, but he was too stubborn to do something so mundane. Anyways, things never came easily to him, so he might as well break his fucking spine in an attempt to find a roof or something that resembles one.

The irony did not escape him. It _was_ a wonderful night. To anyone with a full stomach, a cup of hot tea, and a blanket. He always liked thunderstorms. Nature raging against civilization, purging itself from all the pent up anger. Divine. Trees relenting to the wind, rivers flowing through the streets, children chasing the paper-boats…His consciousness was slowly abandoning him as he remembered the happy squalor of his childhood ramblings. Where was he going, anyway? And why on earth was he so adamant to get there?

Renji extended his hand trying to catch his paper-boat before it dissolved into nothingness. A sharp pain brought him back, and the crawling man lifted his eyes only to realize his journey was over. He clawed along the seemingly endless wall until his bleeding fingers recognized the change in texture. With little strength he had in him, he rang the bell once, and then he fainted.

* * *

He woke up in a small room, lit up by the candle on the small cabinet near the window. It was still dark outside. The warmth of the bed, and the fact that he was free from the raging fit of nature relaxed his body and now it screamed with pain and anguish of remembered wanderings. He tried to sit up in order to scan the room, but his muscles rebelled and pinned him down in a position which allowed him only to move his head. Discomfort ran through his entire being as he realized how fucking helpless and lost he was. If someone would come in to claim his life, all he would be able to do is to chose which way to tilt his head. He waved the ungrateful thoughts away: even if he was to die in that room, at least he was vaguely comfortable and dry. And clean for that matter. His consciousness drifted off as he slowly slipped into that same dream vision of chasing paper-boats down the street, laughing and enjoying one of the rare happy moments of his childhood.

Renji opened his eyes, completely confused with what seemed to him a complete disappearance of the lapse of time. It was still dark outside, the rain still reverberated against the walls and windows, and the candle on the cabinet seemed to be as big as it had been when he was last conscious. He tried to make sense of his position in time and place, but it was impossible. The only thing he knew for sure was that he had crawled through the woods of the somewhere in eastern Fenore, and that in the middle of a vast, wild darkness he stumbled upon civilization.

The door made a familiar sound, and a dark-haired figure entered his abode. The figure had long hair, and the lithe body was clad in a black and white vestment. He could not discern whether it was a man or a woman, but whoever it was, the graceful movements gave out an air of reverence and serenity which made Renji feel safe. He opened his mouth in order to show he was awake, but no words left his lips. A violent cough shook his entire body, pain searing down his spine. The monochrome figure knelt next to him, and he realized he was not lying on a bed, but on a futon. A cold compress cooled his forehead and made him groan in delight. He was definitely running a fever. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to drift apart from the person kneeling next to him, going on with what was obviously necessary ministrations, and he was finally at peace. No one would go through all that trouble just to kill him.

* * *

The Second, Kuchiki Byakuya, was the one who salvaged the mud-covered wreck of Abarai Renji. He was the only one awake that night to hear the tremulous bell which chimed only once a year, to mark the beginning of the festivities. The man was rarely surprised, having amassed a formidable experience during his long years of service in the East Fenore monastery. However, the sight of Abarai Renji _almost_ surprised him. The man looked wild, as an untamed beast, covered in a strange mass of mud and congealed blood. Byakuya had experience with beasts of incommunicable vileness, but he had never encountered one sprawled in a pool of rain at the main gate of the monastery. The strange markings on the man's face and his ridiculously red hair, coupled with his size made Byakuya wince momentarily, thinking that he might have slipped into some dream, without realizing it. Somehow, he managed to drag the man into one of the vacant rooms. In the process he had gotten himself so dirty that, after having meticulously washed the redhead intruder, he had to have a bath himself, and a change of clothes. The entire ordeal was more than he was prepared for after hearing the bell, so he swore a couple of times. Being the man of the cloth, it was hardly appropriate to curse his bad luck of having been on call that night, so he regained his composure as he clumsily lowered the heavy body onto a futon. He wondered about what kind of a man he had just saved. Those strange tattoos that first assailed his senses went all over the man's body, which was almost as muscular as the First's. _Almost, _Byakuya repeated as he realized that the First's physical appearance could hardly be compared to any living thing. He always thought it was strange that the head of the Yumearuku order, the spiritual leader of Fenore, had such an immense, overwhelming physical presence. It seemed redundant. Admittedly, his stature must have come in handy when there were transgressors to be punished.

Byakuya closed the door having checked on the man, making sure that he was still breathing.

"Kuchiki-sama," he heard someone call out his name. Ayasegawa Yumichika lowered his gaze and bowed his head slightly as a sign of respect, and he awaited acknowledgment in order to meet Byakuya's eyes.

"Yes, Yumichika?"

Having heard his name, Yumichika's gaze met Byakuya's. Byakuya never realized why the First allowed such extravagance in vanity among his servants. The man, despite being docile, was nothing more than a peacock, strutting about as a if he was in a beauty pageant. Yumichika's opinion of the Second was very similar to the one Byakuya held of him. The difference, however, was that Yumichika exerted an effort in looking as beautiful as he did; Byakuya just could not help it.

Only after he smiled to show how radiant his features are, Yumichika spoke:

"The First requested for your audience, Kuchiki-sama. Concerning the stranger." The feather adorned man lowered his head once again, and he turned gracefully, knowing that the Second was behind him. He then opened an umbrella and held it over Byakuya's head as they walked to the main residence.


	2. The First, The Second

"Zaraki-sama, Kuchiki-sama is here, as you have requested," Yumichika said, his forehead almost touching the floor, his hands resting on his knees. He heard the feint chime of the bells as he stared deeply into the floor.

"Thank you, Ayasegawa-san, you may show him in," the deep voice echoed. Yumichika walked backwards to the door.

Although he knew that his master, Zaraki Kenpachi, the First of the Yumearuku order, had a soft spot for him, Yumichika was still in great awe of the man, whose physical strength was paralleled by his spiritual energy. He often wondered whether the rules would be so blindly obeyed, by the servants and the priests alike, if Zaraki Kenpachi was not such a formidable man.

Byakuya bowed his head slightly as he faced the First. Being one of the high-priests, second only to Zaraki himself, he was allowed to remain on his own feet when greeting the First.

"Ah, Kuchiki-san. Have a seat, please," Zaraki said. The First's seat was elevated half a meter from the floor, as to physically signify the superiority of his status. It was a redundant architectural gesture, having in mind that the First's height loomed large over everyone in Fenore.

"I suppose you have called me to talk about the redhead?" Byakuya offered, as was usually a custom when talking to Kenpachi.

"Yes."

Byakuya ventured to give a detailed report on the entire ordeal. Of course, he left out his annoyance with having to do something so mundane and servant-like. Although he omitted his feelings from the report, Kenpachi was well aware that the noble blood flowing through Byakuya still made him chagrin from nurturing others.

"You do understand that I could not have a mere servant take care of this incident. We have not opened the gate to a stranger in years, and I think we were fortunate that of all people you were the one on call," Kenpachi said, trying to soothe Byakuya's wounded pride.

The dark-haired priest of royal stature was the one chosen to be Kenpachi's successor. The First recognized his resolve, his unrelenting adherence to the rules of the order, and the dispassionate way of dealing with the biggest of problems. However, before the Second takes over, his pride will have to be assuaged. Byakuya still seemed to put his pride before everything else, but he also seemed to have finally realized that this was something he must not advertise.

"Yes, Zaraki-sama. I understand, and I am glad that the man poses no threat."

Kenpachi tilted his head. The subtle sound of those little bells attached to his hair was always accompanied by an explanation that the chime seemed to demand.

"He is severely injured. He can hardly move, or talk, let along pose any threat."

"I see," Kenpachi replied curtly. "You do not think that you should take a walk and make sure?"

Byakuya winced at the suggestion although he anticipated it. He did not like the idea of entering the redhead's dream world after taking care of him for three days. Putting his aversion aside, he answered:

"I believe it would be a prudent course of action. We cannot wait for him to regain his strength in order to question his character." Byakuya stared at his hands for a few minutes, realizing that once again, his feelings lost to the objective logic of the situation. He liked that.

"I think I should take a walk before he regains his senses completely."

Kenpachi smiled. He always liked to watch sense battle against sensibility in Byakuya's eyes. When he first entered the order, Byakuya had the resolve of an ox to become a priest, but he was a hothead, with a terrible temper. Nothing more than a spoiled, noble brat. Most of the priests, including the Second at the time, thought it would be impossible to mould him into a temperate man of the cloth, but Kenpachi knew better.

"I agree. Report to me as soon as you wake up, and make sure to sort out the paperwork. It has been a long time since we performed dream-walking within the monastery."

"Zaraki-sama, the man is not a priest, nor is he a servant of the order. I do not believe that we should treat this occurrence as dissimilar to our usual dream-walking," Byakuya retorted. Kenpachi glared at his Second, making any comment unnecessary.

"Very well, I will make sure that all the paperwork is in order before I enter the redhead. If you'd excuse me, Zaraki-sama?"

"You may take your leave, Kuchiki-san."

Byakuya sighed inwardly at his own stupid insolence. He made a mental note to himself that he should never second-guess Zaraki Kenpachi. It was not what his title signified, quite the contrary. Being the Second meant obeying the rules and instructions, serving as an example to other priests and servants of the order.


	3. Dream One

Byakuya lied down onto his futon, his mind concentrated on the redhead whose mind he was about to invade. He tried hard to disregard the man's strong physical presence in his mind. It was difficult to concentrate on the REM waves through this strong awareness of the man's body he fostered. It was normal, considering the fact that he knew nothing of the man's mind, and everything about his wounded body. He shook his head again, in order to scare off the tattoo-laden image from his eyelids, and he finally managed to isolate the erratic, unfamiliar REM waves.

He found himself engulfed in consuming nothingness. His composure faltered momentarily as he realized he could not tell what was up and what was down. Closing his eyes, adjusting to the lack of footing in this dreamless stage of...Abarai Renji's dream, he took control of his surroundings. He had a name, finally. Abarai Renji. Byakuya opened his eyes and he noticed a faint glimmer in the vast darkness, making it easier for him to focus. He felt Abarai Renji's dread. The man was obviously having a nightmare, because nothing else could explain this abject lack of calm and serenity. Byakuya smiled, contended. A nightmare was good. The best and the fastest way to learn the essence of a man was through his deepest fears.

The glimmer turned out to be a dark ship, with blood-red sails embroidered with a dark pattern, the same pattern which glided all over Abarai Renji's body. The nothingness under Byakuya's feet started undulating, and he barely managed to remain on the surface of the crazed sea. He closed his eyes, and in an instant he was transported onto the unmanned vessel. The storm was raging, and the recurrent thunders turned everything into a blinding whiteness. Byakuya hated to admit it, but he was overwhelmed by the dichotomy of the dream, and although he knew his eyes were shut and he was asleep, he still could not stop Abarai Renji's dread as it assailed him as a swarm of locus.

He found his way onto the bridge, where he sat down in an attempt to calm down, and stop the transference. When he opened his eyes he was surrounded by an unending field of red poppies, swaying gently in the wind. He stood up, and a soothing gust of wind glided over his body. It was strange. He decided not to make his presence in this dream known. Was Abarai Renji capable of sensing him? Did the strange man successfully leeched onto Byakuya's calmness?

The dream walker walked through the poppy field, learning that Abarai Renji was capable of happiness and serenity, almost as intense as his dismay. He reminded himself that he is a detached observer, and that he was not there to enjoy the scenery. In a blink, the poppies grew taller, and they turned into a raging mob, screaming for blood, asking for death. Abarai Renji was tied to a pole in the middle of the town square, completely naked, covered in blood. There was no sign of a single red strand on his head. Someone brought a torch and lighted the dried branches that lay under Renji's feet, and the infernal flame engulfed everything.

The last thing Byakuya saw before abruptly waking up from Abarai Renji's dream was the redhead's sinister grin as his skin was being peeled off by the licking flames. Disturbing. He took a few deep breaths to shake over the impression of hellish fire still lingering on his skin. He will have to do it again. Most certainly. Abarai Renji was a strange man, with strange dreams and possibly he had the ability to sense his presence, and to draw from his feelings.

* * *

"Yes," Byakuya said to the knock on the door. He was already dressed, his hair subdued by kenseikan.

Yumichika appeared, his head bowed, his ostentatious feathers like a poker into Byakuya's side.

"I know," Byakuya offered, "the First wants to see me."

"Yes," Yumichika replied, managing a hint of disdain in Byakuya's direction.

"Tell your master I will be there as soon as I see how our guest is doing."

Yumichika smirked. Now, the intruder has suddenly become a guest. Was it all that it took? A little dream-walking by Kuchiki-sama, the worshiped Second, and the intruder was all of a sudden a benevolent figure, nothing to be feared?


	4. Job Opportunity

He never thought he would feel so proud because he managed to sit up. The sun was shining through the window and its gentle rays woke him up. He felt somewhat anxious, but he could not trace the feeling. Probably something he dreamt. His dreams were rarely pleasant. And the fact that the only things he knew of his current residence were a candle, a window and a sexless being taking care of him, did not help his anxiety.

The door opened and his sexless benefactor was revealed to be a man. A beautiful man of no discernible age. He approached Renji, wordlessly putting an elegant hand against his forehead, frowning slightly. The grey light emanating from his eyes seemed delightfully familiar and soothing. Renji let his eyelids drop as he felt the warmth of another's skin on his damp forehead.

The deep monotone shook Renji from his reverie.

"Your fever seems to have abated, Abarai-san."

Byakuya saw that Renji tensed up when he heard his name spoken by a complete stranger. His eyes suddenly turned to Byakuya in suspicion and wariness.

"People talk when they're delirious," Byakuya explained curtly.

Renji ran a hand thorough his hair, letting it rest on the back of his head. This gesture will in time become very familiar to Byakuya, and he will come to accept it, reluctantly, as a sign of reassuring intimacy.

"I'm afraid I didn't have the privilege of hearing your delirious pillow talk, so I don't know your name."

Byakuya's eyes narrowed upon the most peculiar way he had ever heard someone ask him for his name.

"I am Kuchiki Byakuya, the Second of the Yumearuku order," his tone was official.

"Wow. That sounds important, but I have no idea why," Renji said with a laugh.

Byakuya looked at him almost scornfully, and said nothing.

"Kuchiki-san..."

"The proper way of addressing me is Kuchiki-sama. Have that in mind, Abarai-san."

Renji's face turned serious and for the first time he felt out of place. He remembered Byakuya's caring, warm hands during his delirium. He even had a vague recollection of the man carrying him across the vast yard. He hardly expected for that same man to be so terse and cold.

"I apologize, Kuchiki-sama. I'm hardly in the know about the way of your...whatever order."

"Yumearuku," Byakuya instructed.

The Second had no intention of exerting so much dislike and coldness, but the proximity of the man made him uncomfortable. For the first time he realized why there was a ban on entering the dreams of people you were on familiar terms. For the first time Byakuya understood the reason behind those strict rules he always obeyed, unquestioningly.

"How long have I been out?"

"Three days."

"Three days?" Renji almost screamed the number.

"You took care of me for three days?" Renji whispered.

"Yes," Byakuya replied, feeling awkward. Taking care of people was not his expertise, and it most certainly was not something he enjoyed.

"Thank you," Renji sighed.

A knock on the door interrupted the awkward moment shared between the two men. Yumichika's head followed the knock. His eyes widened in surprise, having seen the _guest_ for the first time. The blatant ferocity and lack of elegance was evident in Abarai Renji's appearance and Yumichika chose to take a stance of polite scorn towards the newcomer.

"What is it Yumichika?"

"The First requested you bring our _guest _with you. If the _guest_ is feeling better."

Byakuya rolled his eyes, bored to death by Yumichika's pathetic little attempts at sarcasm.

"The _guest_ is feeling very well," Renji smirked, his nice retort pleasing Byakuya more than he cared to admit.

* * *

Renji might have felt better, he might have even felt good, but he was in no way capable of carrying his own weight. He felt downright silly with his hands flung across Yumichika and Byakuya. It looked completely out of place; he was hardly capable of dragging his feet to help alleviate his weight on their shoulders. He apologized for his weakness, obviously embarrassed.

The three of them awkwardly managed to find their way to the main residence. They sat down, panting with exhaustion. Byakuya regained his composure before the two younger men did. He turned to Renji and said:

"We are going to see the First now. You are here only because he allowed it. When we enter, you must kneel and bow your head. You must stay like that until Zaraki Kenpachi gives you permission to speak. Do you understand?"

Renji frowned. He had a problem with bowing to a person he knew nothing of. Why was he supposed to show respect to someone who he barely knew, to someone who might as well be some crazy religious tyrant?

"Do you have a problem with that, Abarai-san?" Byakuya's words were poisonous, accusing him for being ungrateful. Renji swallowed what felt like a bowling-bowl, and he shook his head.

"Good."

The entire apotheosis turned out to be quite absurd in itself. Byakuya helped Renji saunter into the room. He had to proceed to help him kneel down, which he barely managed. Renji then lowered his head, and in the process his forehead hit the floor loudly, making Renji realize that his depth-perception was still impaired. The room resounded with Kenpachi's amused laughter and the cheerful jingle of the bells.

"For pity's sake, Kuchiki-san, this was hardly necessary. The man can hardly walk and you have him parading around me as if I was some sort of deity."

Renji rubbed his head as he lifted his eyes to see the immense figure of the First of the Yumearuku order. He always thought that he had a formidable physical presence, but the man seated slightly above him was a huge mass of muscles and tendons, taller than any man he had ever seen. He then proceeded to rub his eyes, making sure that they were not playing tricks on him again.

"You are Abarai Renji?" the huge man inquired.

"Yes, I am."

"I want you to tell me what are you doing here, and how you found our monastery."

Renji directed a furtive glance towards Byakuya. Despite the man's obvious disinterest in him and his remote demeanour, for some reason Byakuya's presence made Renji feel a bit more comfortable.

"I was just wandering about..." Renji started his story, which could pretty much be boiled down to him rambling about, trying to find a new home and a job, getting lost and fumbling his way through a seemingly endless forest, until he was fortunate enough to find the monastery. He decided to omit a few details. For example, he neglected to mention that he was running away from his previous employer.

"So, you're looking for a roof and a job."

"Yes, sir," he replied, feeling unnaturally meek in the presence of the First.

* * *

Without being called for, Yumichika glided into the room, bowing appropriately. He was instructed to help Renji out of the room, and to wait outside.

"Kuchiki-san, I believe you are in a need of a servant, are you not?"

Byakuya realized at what was Kenpachi hinting at, and he disliked it intensely. He did not like the idea of having that man as his servant. Not only because the redhead was obviously no servant material, but because he had experienced his dreams, his feelings and his admonitions. It would prove to be nerve-wrecking, Byakuya was certain of it, and he rather liked his peace of mind remaining intact.

"Zaraki-sama, I believe that Abarai Renji would prove to be a better addition to Ukitake household."

"Kuchiki-san, you are the only one of the four high priests who does not have a main servant. As far as I know Ukitake-san has plenty of servants at his disposal, including a valet. Do you have any objection to my proposal?"

"No," Byakuya admitted reluctantly.

"So, you found nothing in the man that arose your suspicion?"

Byakuya wanted to lie, because it would be so good to get rid of the redhead forever, to banish him back into the forest from which he materialized.

"No. He is tormented, yes. He has had a rough life, and his personality is in need of readjustment, but I found nothing worth our further attention. No notable aberrations."

"Well, is this not fortunate!" Kenpachi exclaimed. He stepped down from his throne and placed a heavy hand on Byakuya's shoulder.

"Like divine intervention!" the First's laugh followed his words.

Byakuya smiled mirthlessly and nodded in assent, realizing that Kenpachi's fervour was too elated for him to try and persuade him against taking in the man.

"Oh, Byakuya," a reassuring glance accompanied his familial words, "don't fret about Abarai Renji. I truly think he will make a good servant."

"If you say so."

Kenpachi did not like deceit. He had a well developed distaste when it came to manipulation and misdirection. Despite those personal preferences, he decided to use the "divine intervention" in order to teach Byakuya his last lesson.

"Despite my opinion, we should hold a council regarding the man, just to make sure that other high priests do not have any objections."


	5. To Walk or not to Walk?

**AN**_ – The following takes place a week or so after Renji accepted his post as the main servant of the Kuchiki household._

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* * *

_

Renji knocked. He had an unpleasant opportunity to learn how his_ master,_ Kuchiki Byakuya, one of the most famous dream walkers of the Yumearuku order, reacted to unwarranted interruptions.

"Come," he heard the familiar monotone, and he entered, carrying the tray with tea and snacks.

Byakuya in no way acknowledged Renji's presence. He just kept perusing through the heap of files on his table, trying to ascertain which of the cases needed intervention by one of the five high priests. There were only minor transgressions so far. The Fenore citizens seemed to have been in check for the last month or so, which made Byakuya content. He assigned a few marginal cases to the deacons and he was rather pleased with the bulk of work he completed in only a couple of hours. Things would be so much simpler if Abarai Renji was not lurking around constantly. Fetching him tea, announcing visitors, bringing him lunch. He was there, all the time. Incessantly. Like a persistent little tick. Byakuya tempered himself by remembering that it was Renji's job to pester him; remembering that the said pestering was the reason he refused to have a main servant before.

"Anything else, Kuchiki-_sama_?" Abarai managed to grumble through his teeth, his invisibility making him angrier by the minute.

"Tell Hisagi-san I need to see him." Not even a glance. Renji felt like he was a piece of furniture. It was not in his nature to serve, but for some reason he had accepted this post. Maybe it was because of his fascination with the religion and the way they maintained order through dreams, and maybe it was because he was so profoundly irritated by Kuchiki Byakuya's indifference. Whatever it was, it weighed him down, making him rot away as a little servant-boy.

He dragged his feet to Hisagi-san's room. Shuhei was cool. He had nothing of that aloof demeanour that his superior nurtured so diligently. He treated Renji as his equal, perhaps because he once was the main servant himself.

"Yo Renji, you look pathetic. What's up?"

"Byakuya wants to see ya. I guess he's done with paperwork and is ready to delegate."

"Ok. I guess me and the other deacons will have some dream walking to do. Are you ok?" Shuhei asked. He liked Renji because he was so damn different than all the others in the Kuchiki household, more like him, a bit on the wild side.

"I'm fine, thanks. This job is draining the life out of me."

Shuhei laughed. He patted the redhead on the back, managing to force a smile on his face.

"Saying you're fine while life's being drained out of you is really remarkable."

Renji laughed, this time heartily.

"Listen, Renji. When I finish my rounds we're gonna get us some sake, and we'll get wasted, and we'll talk trash about the boss. How does that sound? We could even invite Yumichika."

"Wouldn't the little prissy boy like that? Hearing us badmouth Byakuya."

The two friends shared a few more laughs, mainly on Yumichika's account, before they both went about their business.

* * *

Byakuya swore to himself. He did that a lot in the past few months. And it all started with that tumultuous night which flooded Renji into his life. Since Kenpachi ordered him to enter Renji's dreams Byakuya started having dreams of his own after more than three decades. And the dreams he had were not under his control. His subconscious raged and took over him whenever he would close his eyes to get some rest. One of the reasons he was so damn content with the lack of assignment was the fact that he sincerely doubted he could control his inner-self sufficiently to do the job.

He swore again.

The feeling of desperation mixed with melancholy and traces of peace haunted him since he found himself in that field of red poppies. In all his days he had never felt such amalgamation of disparate emotions, such intensity in each antonym. He wondered how Renji managed to live with those feelings encompassing him simultaneously, and with such vitality.

The night descended slowly, silently. Byakuya realized he was too tired to continue going through the paperwork. It would have been less strenuous if he was prepared to let Renji do some of the work. But he most certainly was not. Byakuya always had a strong distaste of letting people into his field of work. He sanctimoniously protected his duties knowing that he was the only one who could attend to them properly. Hitsugaya tried to show him just how important it was to have someone to rely on, but Byakuya said it was a weakness to put your trust in anyone else but yourself. Since that little exchange Hitsugaya chose to communicate with the Second only when it was necessary, which proved extremely rare.

A knock.

"Yes?"

Renji entered the room, his head bowed down. Somehow, even with downcast eyes and bowed head, Abarai Renji managed to look everything but obsequious. Impudent little ...

"Is there anything I can do for you before I go to bed, Kuchiki-_sama_?" That tone again. The redhead managed to make the honorific sound like the worst kind of an insult.

"No."

"Good night," Renji offered as an olive branch.

"Good night, _Abarai,_" Byakuya almost accepted. The Second knew how much it irritated his main servant to be referred to this way. He knew the extent of the redhead's pride, and it ran almost as deep as his own. Renji bit his lip, and closed the door before he did something he would regret.

Byakuya sighed and got ready for bed. He was in no mood for dreaming. However... He shook the thought away. It was forbidden, strictly forbidden to walk the dreams of a person you are affiliated with. He did it once, but it was before Renji became his main servant. And he was ordered to do it.

* * *

**AN** - _Ok, so I did a bit of editing in hope that thing would be a little clearer (thanks to Sscullys). Although I had some trouble finding the muddled parts, I did my best. If you can identify the unclear parts, do let me know. _


	6. The First Forbidden Dream

Byakuya regained consciousness, already deep inside of Renji's dream. He planned to stay hidden, he planned only to observe the man's feelings and his thoughts, but his plans have failed. He found himself sprawled on the dune, his wrists shackled to his ankles. His clothes were tattered, reduced to mere rags, exposing, more than protecting his skin against the desert sun.

I guess he had not predicted the possibility of Renji actually dreaming about him. In this uncomfortable position, Byakuya realized yet another reason why dream walkers were not allowed access into the dreams of people who knew them. The possibility of remaining a detached observer was severely diminished.

He wriggled his body into a more comfortable position. His knees were wide apart, it was the only way he could sit up. He leaned against the dead tree behind him and he sighed. It was indubitably a bad, bad idea to do this. He was in the middle of something he could not control, and that something was the raging, fervent mind of Abarai Renji, who was currently nowhere to be seen. I guess his dream consisted of binding his master and placing him under a scorching sun which would blemish his perfect, ivory complexion. Byakuya smirked. I guess he had it coming. Treating Renji as a piece of furniture was something he felt he was compelled to do. However, he shouldn't have invaded his dreams if he was not prepared to suffer the consequences.

He sat motionlessly, and then he noticed a camel lead across the dunes by a Bedouin. As the two progressed, behind them fresh grass sprung up, an occasional daisy, and a few palm trees grew in their footspteps. Birds and butterflies fluttered alongside their path. Byakuya could not help but chuckle at this imagery of creation in the footsteps of Abarai Renji and his faithful camel. As the two creatures approached, he was surprised to see that the Bedouin was not Abarai, but Yumichika. His eyes widened in surprise as the beauty seated himself opposite to Byakuya. Yumichika was sitting on a meadow, his back agains a verdant tree. Byakuya could feel the chafe of desert sand against his skin, and the stench of the rotting tree on his half.

So this was Abarai Renji's vision. Byakuya was a desolate, shackled desert of a man, and Yumichika was a free roamer, a verdant bringer of life and joy. He felt infuriated, but somehow he managed to stifle his growing anger.

Yumichika opened his satchel and produced a bottle of delicious-looking liquid. He drank from the bottle and then offered it to Byakuya, who suddenly felt unquenching thirst. He reached for the bottle, forgetting his shackles, and the sudden motion threw him onto the sand, head first. His throat filled up with sand, and he regurgitated. Was this Renji's revenge for the treatment he received from Byakuya, or was it simply a reflection of the way he saw his master?

Yumichika laughed.

"Ah, how the mighty have fallen," he heard the peacock say.

"You really are pathetic, Byakuya."

"I know," he heard himself say, without any volition of his own.

"Good. Keep that in mind the next time you feel like treating someone as if he possessed no signs of existence."

Byakuya woke up, covered in sweat. He was still furious as hell, and he felt like demanding Abarai Renji's immediate explanation of his dream. But how could he do that? If anyone found out about his indiscretion, he was bound to be severely punished. God knows how. Byakuya knew the Scriptures as the back of his hand, and he knew that there was no written record of any high priest committing the crime of in-house dream walking. A shiver splattered his skin, and it helped him shake off the anger he felt after experiencing Renji's thoughts.

* * *

"Ukitake-san, I hardly see the need for any of the high priests to get involved in this," Byakuya protested.

Jushiro brushed a stray strand of white hair from his face, before he continued to try to reason with the Second.

"Kuchiki-sama, I think you are wrong. I believe that it is better for one of us to visit the transgressor, just to make sure he does not go on with his plans."

"These are dreams, Ukitake-san, not plans. I believe your concern is genuine, but it is necessary to discern between the two. So," Byakuya looked at the file before him, "Takasugi Kamui committed adultery with his wife's brother. In a dream. In the matters of the flesh we cannot be sure."

Jushiro nodded in agreement and he was about to proceed when a knock interrupted them. Byakuya's face turned grey, his shoulders caught in an involuntary spasm. Jushiro looked incredulously at the normally composed priest, and then he directed his gaze to the door, at which stood Abarai Renji, Kuchiki houshold's main servant. The Third was not sure what was going on between the two, but he could feel that something was amiss. Byakuya's eyes never left the Takasugi Kamui report, and Renji did not utter a word as he laid the tray on the table. Jushiro raised his eyes to meet Renji's, and in them he saw unparallelled hostility, which made him look away. When the main servant closed the door, Byakuya's muscles relaxed, and there was no sign of anger in his eyes.

"You were about to say something, Ukitake-san."

"Yes, I wanted to say that we should send a high priest to check out whether this dream has any realization value, and to ascertain that only a mild course of action is necessary to warn the man against that sort of dreams."

"Homosexual dreams? I cannot remember when I had a discussion this heated about a man who desires to bed his wife's sister," Byakuya said coldly.

"No, Kuchiki-sama. The fact that his dream was about a man is not of importance. I just..."

Byakuya was angry, and that was the only thing he was able to concentrate on. He did not care about Takasugi Kamui, or the man's desire to bed another man, who happened to be his wife's brother. He knew if the discussion continued he would snap, and Jushiro will notice that something was rotten in the Kuchiki household.

"Fine, fine," he said nervously, handing the report to Jushiro, "you take care of Takasugi as you wish, I will not meddle. Is that acceptable?"

"Yes, Kuchiki-sama," the Third replied.

"Well, I'm glad we handled that. Shall we have some tea, now?" Byakuya asked. He hoped that Jushiro will refuse and take his leave. He needed to be alone with his anger.

"I'm afraid I'll have to decline. I would like to take care of this case as soon as possible."

"As you wish. Let me know when the matter is concluded."

"Naturally. Good day."

"Good day."

It would have been a prudent course of action simply to go to sleep that night. To forget that dream he trampled into, and to face his own demons. But he had to see more. He had to see Renji. And that's why, as he closed his eyes, Byakuya scanned for familiar REM waves, ready to break the law once again, and to assume the role of a sinner, a role he was not yet accustomed to.


	7. Dark Clouds on the Horizon

_He was standing in front of his office, reluctant to knock. Why knock? _

"_Come in," said the familiar voice from behind the door._

_Byakuya was surprised to see Renji leaning over a heap of papers. That was the first time Byakuya noticed he had a tray in his hands and a terrible knot in his gut. Renji just kept perusing the files in front of him. The redhead had no intention of acknowledging his meaningless man-servant. _

_Byakuya stood motionless, confused, not really knowing what was going on. When Renji lifted his cold gaze and asked: "Why are you still here, Kuchiki?" he felt something stirring deep inside of him, something beyond his ability to cope. The dream walker was not ready for what happened. The anger, the bruised pride and aggression encumbered him beyond the intensity he thought was feasible. He could not understand how it was possible for Renji to deal with this intensity, to control it every time he stepped into his office._

"_Kuchiki," Renji said, standing up, "you are bothering me, leave the tray and make yourself scarce."_

_Byakuya was overwhelmed by Renji's transferred feelings and in an instant everything went black. When he came to, he was lying on the floor, Renji's strong hands were wrapped around his neck, squeezing the life out of him. The redhead's eyes were glazed over with vicious ferocity and hate. Renji grinned eerily and squeezed harder._

"_You motherfucker," Renji hissed at his victim, and Byakuya could hear the bones cracking, he could feel the fingers burrowing too deep. He tried to speak, he tried to beg Renji to stop strangling him, to stop hating him. But Renji could not. The only way that he could control his anger towards Byakuya was by punishing him in his dreams. Torturing him, hurting him over and over again. _

_He woke up terryified, gasping for air, checking that his neck was still there. Byakuya sighed, and slumped onto the bed, unable to fall asleep. Renji's stifling anger still had its hold over him._

_Renji sat in the common room, protected by darkness. He felt abject and pathetic. He most certainly did not feel like a man. He knew his dreams were a sad way to save his pride, to take revenge. But the grip he had over Byakuya's existence felt so damn good, and he could not let go. _

_It was impossible to fall asleep, and Byakuya decided to go to the common room. A drink of cold water will not cure his insomnia, but it might help him clear his head and wash away those residual feelings Renji gave him. Unfortunately for the dream walker, the redhead was trying to alleviate his own insomnia in a similar way; his weapon of choice was sake. _

_When their eyes met, Renji knew that his master was aware of the punishment he received almost every night. Almost. Byakuya felt Renji's feral glare on his back, and he could not help but swear at his luck for seeing the redhead so soon after that terrible dream. He could still feel his fingers in his flesh. _

"_Can't sleep?" Renji asked. He needed a semblance of a normal conversation in order to chase away the echoes of his dream. Byakuya turned from the window to face the redhead. It still felt much like he was in Renji's dream, because he would not normally sit down to talk._

"_Yes. It would seem so. I suppose you have the same problem?" Byakuya said, taking a sip of water. He was still utterly surprised at his own willingness to make small talk._

"_Yes," Renji smiled, "it happens every so often. Bad dreams."_

"_So, that was a bad dream?" Byakuya asked. What on earth was he doing? Admitting to visiting Renji's dream? He expected Renji to burst into an angry fit, but the redhead sat calmly, rolling the empty bottle across the table._

"_I don't really like violence. I just have a short fuse. I guess I can't control it subconsciously," the redhead replied._

_Within a few moments of silence, the residual anger from the dream was replaced with melancholy calm in both of them._

"_I'm sorry you had to see that," Renji offered._

"_It's fine. I understand."_

The moment Byakuya accepted Renji's apology, he woke up.

It took him the rest of that sleepless night to accept what has happened. He was tricked into believing he was awake. Byakuya was angry. In all his experience as a dream walker, even during his training he had never mistaken a dream for reality. There was something about Abarai Renji that made him lose his grip on the world, on both worlds. Still, he was glad that his secret was still safe.

* * *

A few days passed. Renji still harnessed his anger, and Byakuya still ignored the redhead's presence as much as he could. He had the best intention to readjust his attitude into that of polite disdain, but it proved impossible. Byakuya learned that he was incapable to look at Renji for some reason. And as much as he tried, words coming out of his mouth were arid. He tried to forget the feeling he shared with Renji in that last dream, but it would not leave him. Why was he unable to look at him? Did he even remember what Abarai Renji really looked like? Was his hair red? Was he tall and strong, his sinews covered in beautiful tattoos? Was that Renji, or was it some figment of his imagination, a creation of his own dreams which refused to ease up since the day he rescued the stranger?

A knock.

"Ukitake-sama is here to see you," Renji announced to Byakuya's back.

"Show him in." His voice actually trembled.

Jushiro bowed his head to greet Renji. He still felt apprehensive in the redheads presence, because he could feel the untamed passion lurking beneath the surface, becoming more dangerous by the day. Molten lava – those were the words which popped up into his brain every time he saw Renji.

"Kuchiki-sama, I only wanted to inform you that the Takasugi issue has been successfully handled by Madarame."

Byakuya did not feel like facing Jushiro. Probably because he felt like he was on the verge of breaking into small pieces. The fact that Abarai Renji made him lose his focus haunted him constantly, invading every thought he had.

"I'm glad to hear that. Madarame-san has proven to be quite the deacon, has he not?"

"Yes, Kuchiki-sama, I have to admit I am quite proud of him."

Byakuya swallowed, in order to manage another perfunctory interjection.

"Is that all, Ukitake-san. I'm rather busy."

"That is all. Thank you."

That was the conversation which made Jushiro certain that there was something wrong in the Kuchiki household, and he felt that, as the Third, he had a duty to investigate the matter and find out just what was going on. Byakuya was one of the foundations of the Yumearuku order, and if he was shaken, so were those foundations.

* * *

A sleepless week was behind Byakuya. He had the best intention of working, but he had no mental capacity for it. He had decided not to enter Renji's dreams again. Not because he did not want to see more, but because he was scared of it, of what other terrible feelings he might be responsible for. At two o'clock Renji knocked and announced that lunch was served in the common room.

"I'm not in the mood for eating," Byakuya said, his tone attempting to dismiss Renji.

"Kuchiki-sama, are you well?" Renji noticed the day before that the Second looked ill. He was slower than usual, his voice muffled by signs of exhaustion.

The sound of concern in Renji's voice made him sick to his stomach. It killed that little appetite he might have had. For the first time in weeks he looked up at Renji, revealing his tormented face.

"I'm fine, Abarai. Leave."

If Byakuya had not shown him his face, Renji might have obeyed him. But the sight of the man shook him, and he had no intention of leaving him alone. Renji sat down.

"What? I told you to leave." Byakuya showed more agitation than he wished. He was so tired, he needed to sleep, he needed to spend a few hours away from his flaying consciousness, but he was too afraid of his own dream world, of the betraying desire which materialized mercilessly every time he tried to find peace.

"You look terrible... Actually, you look worse than that. When did you last get some sleep?" Renji asked.

"That is none of your business. Leave me alone, I have work..."

"Kuchiki-sama. I am here to serve you, whether you like it or not. Whether _I_ like it or not. If you don't want me to talk to Ayasegawa about your decrepit state, you will take a bath, and go to sleep, immediately." There was something in Renji's blackmail that made Byakuya feel like smiling. He opted out, choosing his usual way of communication.

"Abarai. You forget your place. I..." his voice trailed off and he felt dizzy. He saw Renji jump from his seat to catch him before he fell.

"Aba-rai..." he whispered with the last strand of consciousness.

"It's ok, Kuchiki-sama. I'll take care of you. I owe you that much, don't I?"

* * *

He woke up from a dreamless sleep, to find himself in his bedroom, in his night gown, his hair dancing wildly across his face. It took him some time to remember what had happened, and when he did, he swore. Weakness was not something he enjoyed showing to anyone, let along a servant. It was still dark, and the only sound he could hear was rhythmic breathing coming from the northern corner of his room. He strained his eyes and managed to recognize Renji's outline. He was sound asleep. Dreaming.

* * *

_Renji loomed large over the tied dream walker. He grinned at his master's attempts to free himself._

"_What is it, Byakuya?" The redhead laughed at his master kneeling in front of him, hands tied to his ankles behind his back. The dream walker did not feel like a master. _

"_I know you like this," Renji said, holding Byakuya's chin and forcing him to look up at him. He did like it. Renji made him enjoy the pain, he made him enjoy being subdued, under his servant's control. _

_The redhead's eyes turned soft and he smiled mildly, unbefitting the situation in which he held his master a captive. He knelt down to whisper into Byakuya's ear:_

"_I'm sorry Kuchiki-sama. But this was the only way I could make you listen, or look at me." _

_Renji removed the cloth from Byakuya's mouth, making the dream walker understand why he silently endured the torture. But even after the gag was removed he did not speak. Renji sat on his heels, and stared at his master, trying to decide what was an appropriate course of action. He was in no hurry. It was nice seeing Kuchiki-sama stripped of his control and his clothes. Renji reached out to caress his master's naked shoulders, his arms, his thighs. Byakuya moaned at the touch and his muscles betrayed him. He fell into Renji's hands, which travelled to his restraints, removing them in an instant. _

"_Kiss me, you disrespectful bastard," Byakuya finally spoke, his free hands grabbing Renji's shoulders, pulling him into a deep kiss._

He woke up, panting, unsure whether to regret having entered Renji's dream. He turned his head and he saw Renji was as perplexed as him, staring, eyes wide open.

"Did you...?" Renji blurted at him rising from his corner. That dream was strange. It felt like half of it was not even his. Byakuya just stared at him, speechless.

"That's forbidden, asshole!" Renji bellowed, grabbing Byakuya, pinning him against the futon. Byakuya had no idea what to do, how to react. He probably should apologize, but he knew saying he was sorry would have been a lie.

Renji kept his eyes trained on Byakuya's, and he felt as is he was drowning in a radiant gray sea.

"Well, why not?" he relented. "You asked for it." He pulled the dream walker closer, and kissed him. He hardly expected it, but he felt those soft, supple lips part and give way to his tongue. Their kiss was a lot like the one they shared in the dream, but still it was nothing like it. The heat of the flesh, the moist and the texture, none of these were palpable in the dream world.

Reluctantly, Renji pulled back from the kiss. Byakuya's eyes were still closed, his hair tousled, lips invitingly parted. When those grey eyes opened, Renji could see nothing but resentment in them. Byakuya pushed him away.

"You bastard," he muttered, wiping his lips with the back of his hand.

"What?" Renji interjected.

"You and your damn dreams, your god-forsaken transference!" A lie.

"It's not like I invited you in, Kuchiki-sama. You violated my dreams. It's your fucking fault if some of my desires and feelings rubbed off on you."

He turned to leave the room, realizing that his master was perfectly well once again. Byakuya just stared after him, knowing that Renji was right, and that it was all his fault.

"We'll just forget about it. I'll forget about you invasion, and you'll forget about what you experienced during that invasion."

With that, Renji closed the door, and left Byakuya alone with his thoughts, trying te determine where Renji's feeling ended, and his own started.

* * *

The days that followed melted into each other. The summer heat found its way into the darkest, coolest crannies of the monastery. Everything and everyone seemed more peaceful, weighed down by the hot humidity. The deal made between the head of the Kuchiki household and its main servant was upheld most vigorously. The servant carried in the tray, took it away, he announced, invited, cleaned up. The master ignored, avoided eye contact and held himself aloof, as much as he could. The two felt that business was going as usual, but in their immense effort to keep up appearances with each other, they had forgotten that they were never alone, and that people around them noticed.

Renji bumped into Shuhei as he was leaving Byakuya's office.

"Oi, Renji! I was just thinking about you."

"I'm flattered," was his reply, which made the deacon chuckle.

"C'mon. You, me, Ikkaku, maybe some of the other deacons, common room, sake. Badmouthing Byakuya and other high priests...Remember?"

Renji shrugged. When they last spoke of it, he was really looking forward to spending some fun time with them (no Yumichika allowed was the only rule), but now he did not feel like it. He especially did not feel like getting drunk, losing his inhibitions and saying things that will get both him, and Bykakuya into a world of trouble.

"What? Something wrong?"

"It's the heat, man. It's killing my desire to do anything but crawl into a dark cool corner and beg for relief." Renji thought it was a nice excuse. Simple, but believable and well composed. Shuhei did not agree. He noticed that Renji's behaviour had become strange lately. He seemed more composed, in control of himself. There was no trace of that, once prevalent, fury in his eyes.

"Whatever. If you change your mind, you know where to find us."

"Yeah, sure," Renji said encouragingly.

He finally felt relieved when he entered his room. He could take off his mask, and stop being so damn calm and undisturbed. What he did not expect was seeing Yumichika in the middle of his sanctuary.

"Whatdayawant?"

"How eloquent. You and your master have been invited to the emergency council meeting taking place...now," Yumichika declared, grinning victoriously for some reason.

"Me? Why me?"

"I don't know. I'm sure you're in some sort of trouble. There's been a lot of commotion lately, and you and your master were too occupied to notice."

Renji swore inwardly, well aware of the efforts put in presenting the normal image to the people around. Both him and Byakuya made one terminal mistake: they forgot to actually heed the people they were trying to fool.

"You inform your master. That is hardly my duty," Yumichika chirped, pouting his lips significantly as he stylishly walked out of Renji's room.

"Motherfucker..." Renji said, more to himself, than to Yumichika who had already closed the door. He desperately needed a rest. What he most certainly did not need was to attend a council meeting with Byakuya. It's not like he had a choice. He took a deep breath to prepare himself for breaking the bad news to his master.

He walked into the office, finding Byakuya immersed into that familiar heap of paper.

"What do you want, Abarai?" Byakuya asked in his usual tenor.

"We're in trouble, Kuchiki-sama," Renji simply stated.

"Meaning?"

"Yumichika just paid me a visit. We are both invited to attend the council meeting."

Byakuya's eyes widened. He felt as if the earth beneath his feet shattered.

"Oh."

* * *

**AN** - _It took me some time to revise this chapter. I hope I managed to mend some of the flaws in my style, and I hope you'll enjoy it (it is a bit longer). From now on, all the plot taking place in the dream world will be in italics to make it easier to follow._

_I dedicate this chapter to tellie and Sscullys who helped me with their reviews and comments. Thank you for reading/reviewing!_


	8. Punishment

**AN** –_ Sorry for the belated update. It's my mom's birthday, and there were cakes to make and things to be bought. I finally managed to steal some time (waiting for the butter to melt) to revise and publish chapter eight. Hope you enjoy it! Thanks for reading!_

* * *

They were instructed to wait, which was hardly a positive thing, because all the high priests were already behind the door Byakuya and Renji silently stared at.

"Wait until you are called," was the instruction they obeyed.

Renji's leg shook nervously, irritating the hell out of Byakuya, who was pretty much ready for the worst.

"Do you mind?" he hissed at the redhead.

"What?" Renji asked, obviously unaware that his left foot made an irritating sound as it met the floor. Byakuya put his hand on Renji's knee to calm him down. A gesture which implied intimacy made the redhead tense up, which was basically what Byakuya wanted. He quickly withdrew his hand, realizing that physical contact was hardly appropriate.

"I do not understand why _you_ are so nervous. I'm the one heading for the gallows," Byakuya said, trying hard to make his words sound flippant.

Renji looked at his master. The relationship he shared with this gracious man was by far the strangest one in his entire life. Normally, he was able to call a person his friend, his boss, his lover, or even his enemy. But with Byakuya, he could hardly classify what it was. All he knew was that he was scared. He knew that the dream walker had committed the unforgivable ac. As venial as it might have seemed, Renji was afraid of what the repercussions will be. He did not want something bad to happen to Byakuya, he knew that much.

"I'm nervous for you, I guess," he answered, lowering his eyes onto the spot where Byakuya touched him only moments ago. "I wouldn't like it if something bad happened to you."

Byakuya graced him with one of his colder looks.

"It's not like you're the one to blame. You have no reason to feel guilty."

As far as reassurances go, that one was most definitely not intended to sound like one. Renji noticed the irritation in Byakuya's voice. It seemed that the dream walker was angry at him for being unnerved.

"I don't feel guilty, Kuchiki-sama."

After Renji said these words, they sat in silence, and soon they were asked to join the meeting.

* * *

Kenpachi was seated in his elevated position, and the high priests sat below his feet, their backs to the First. It was obvious that there was no place for Byakuya among the high priests, so he and Renji sat down facing the group. The First's eyes were closed, and his head was slightly lowered, motionless: the bells emitted no sound whatsoever. Ukitake Jushiro spoke.

"It has been brought to the council's attention that you, Kuchiki Byakuya, the Second of the Yumearuku order, have committed unauthorised, in-house, dream walking."

Silence ensued. Jushiro did not feel comfortable doing this, but if sinners within the order were not punished, how could they expect the followers to obey the Scripture. He cleared his throat before he continued.

"What do you have to say in your defence, Kuchiki Byakuya?"

Byakuya's eyes did not waver, at no time did they falter in guilt or shame. His face was a mask of ice, which seemed to say that he had expected this from the first time he decided to to break the rules. He might have acted on impulse, but he was still a rational man.

"I am guilty," he admitted.

"What? Kuchiki-sama," Renji's objection was silenced with Byakuya's lifted hand. The high priests gawked at the redhead, disbelieving his insolence. Kenpachi was as still as if he was cast out of marble.

"You have nothing to say in your defence?" Shunsui wanted him to confirm.

"I have said all that needs to be said."

Renji was boiling over. He wanted to grab Byakuya by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. He could not understand.

"Very well," Jushiro said. "We do have only one question that needs to be answered before we decide."

Thi First finally moved. He trained his eyes on Renji, making the redhead look away.

"Kuchiki-san," the First said, "how many times have you broke the law? Not including the one time I ordered you to visit Abarai-san's dreams."

"Three times."

Renji winced in shock. Three times? Why? He could not understand. If he wanted to know, he could have asked. Things would have been so much easier if Byakuya had just looked at him, and asked him what he wanted to know.

"I see," Zaraki said, obviously interpreting the number in his own way. He turned to Renji.

"Abarai-san, do you have any thoughts to share with us? After all, you are the victim."

Victim? He did not feel like one. Maybe if his privacy was invaded by someone other than Byakuya, he might feel victimized. He was just uncomfortable. Whatever he felt, he knew that he needed to help the stubborn man. He thought for a few moments, and he decided to make a leap of fate.

"I do not feel victimized. But my feelings are, I guess, unimportant here." He tried to swallow, but he realized that his throat was completely dry. He had to continue. How? Head on, or beating around the bush? _Renji-style,_ he thought to himself, chuckling inwardly.

"I believe that you are partly to blame for this, Zaraki-sama."

It was the first time Byakuya reacted since they were called in. It was also the first time he looked at Renji. His eyes betrayed shock and disbelief.

"How dare you, you insolent little..."

"Shut up, Kurotsuchi-san, let the man explain." Kenpachi was pleased. He had hoped that his own responsibility was going to be pointed out by Byakuya himself. But he realized it was a bit far-fetched to expect his proud Second to do something as shift blame. Byakuya's face clearly showed that he had no idea what was Abarai Renji hinting at. Kenpachi knew. He realized he could count on Renji to do what he needed him to do.

The commotion among the high priests settled down enough for Renji to continue.

"You ordered Kuchiki-sama to enter my dream world, in order to ascertain my character. Yes?"

"Yes," Kenpachi answered, stifling back the satisfaction that things were proceeding almost precisely as he planned. Byakuya's burning pride was reduced to a slight shimmer as his servant proceeded to defend him.

"And then you decided to place me into his household, as his main servant. We communicated on a daily basis, and we got to know each other. Kuchiki-sama had already entered my dream world, and it probably felt like a natural course of action to do it again. The Second might have done it without thinking. We will never know whether this would have happened, if you had placed me in another household as, I believe, Kuchiki-sama requested." Renji could not remember if he had ever spoken so much in so little time.

Only Byakuya and Renji knew how far the words uttered were from the truth. Communicated? Gotten to know each other?

"I see," Kyoraku said, realizing that, to some extent, the First was liable. He stood up to face Kenpachi. The entire ordeal seemed a bit overstated to him, anyway. Maybe it was his laid-back nature, but Kyoraku thought that a slap on Byakuya's wrist would suffice.

"I believe that there is no need for excommunication," he said. The First nodded, pleased beyond words by the discomfort in Byakuya's eyes.

"Still," Jushiro said, "we cannot simply disregard this. It is a serious offense."

"I agree. Excommunication is out of the question, but still we need to take some measure," Mayuri agreed with the higher-ranking priests.

Kenpachi sighed, and Byakuya knew that the First had made his decision.

"Very well. I admit it, I have to assume part of the blame. But there has to be punishment."

Everyone nodded, except for Renji, who was the only one to notice just how prepared Kenpachi was for the decision seemingly made by the three high priests. He had to shake off the impression that everything was orchestrated by the stern hand of Zaraki Kenpachi. It was impossible for the someone to plan all of this.

"We will make three training pills, and we will give them to Renji. The pills will be made as to trace Kuchiki-san's REM waves."

Byakuya jumped to his feet in protest.

"What? There's no way..."

All eyes were trained on the agitated man. Nobody among them could remember when they last saw Byakuya lose his temper so obviously. Normally, his eyes and his features hinted at the possibility of annoyance or anger. This time, they were all complimented with a full-body response.

Kyoraku noticed the confused look on Renji's face and he realized that, although he and his master _communicated_ so well, Byakuya did not share the secrets of the trade. He offered an explanation.

"Training pills are used to facilitate dream walking to clergy applicants. They are normally used to heighten already existing ability to detect REM waves, and to control whose dreams they enter. Kuchiki-sama wrote in his report that you seem to have some ability to sense REM waves, so it should work."

"Wait, you want me to enter Kuchiki-sama's..." the idea hit his brain and made Renji lose his train of thought.

"No..." was a barely audible response made by Byakuya. Renji should not be allowed a glimpse into his mind. Anyone else. Not Renji.

"What was that, Kuchiki-sama?" Kenpachi inquired.

"I would rather be excommunicated," Byakuya grunted.

"I know. But you will adhere to our decision." The First was not asking a question. He simply stated a fact which Byakuya had no intention of contesting.

"Don't you think Renji's presence in your dreams would be more acceptable than, let's say, mine?"

Byakuya shuddered at the thought. Zaraki Kenpachi dream walked maybe once or twice in a decade. Only the worst cases got the First's attention. It was a folk legend, but the high priests knew it to be a fact, that a man never woke up from the dream in which Kenpachi took a walk.

"Abarai-san will do just fine," Byakuya aquiesced.

"Zaraki-sama, I believe that we should make note that this is not a precedent. This reprimand should be noted as an exception due to the extenuating circumstances." Jushiro's bureaucratic interruption eased up the tension which Kenpachi's latent threat created.

"I agree. Kurotsuchi-san, you are responsible for production. Ask Mayuri-san to record Kuchiki-san's REM waves, and make three pills. Shunsui-san, you and Jushiro-san take care of the paperwork concerning the incident."

Kenpachi sat down, taking a deep breath, "Well, I'm glad we handled this."

Everybody made mistakes. and this was the first for Byakuya. It was only a matter of time. The First still thought that he had made the right decision. It was impossible to know what he would have thought about his little experiment if he knew the real reasons behind Byakuya's agitated protest against the council's decision.

* * *

"Kuchiki-san just went to sleep," Shuhei said, giving Renji three red pills. Renji extended a shaky hand, staring into his friend in bewilderment.

"Renji, are you ok?" Hisagi asked.

Renji was everything but ok. Although he had spent the last five days in a crash course in dream walking, all the warnings Kyoraku gave him really meant nothing to him. No one could possibly prepare him for this. He was about to enter Kuchiki Byakuya's subconscious world of fears and desires. Did the steel-eyed man had desires, was he afraid of anything? All he managed to conjure up in his own dreams during the five days of preparations were glaciers and huge icebergs.

"Renji?"

"I'm fine Shuhei, I'm just a bit upset. I think I'm too..." he realized that excited was not a proper word, "too nervous to fall asleep."

"There's an anaesthetic in the pills. It won't knock you out, but it will make you relax and make you more susceptible to the chemicals."

Shuhei was the only one outside the meeting who knew of Byakuya's transgression. The council decided it was better to keep the matter under the rug. If the incident was made known, things would invariably get a lot more complicated. For this reason precisely Shiheo was informed of the entire ordeal. After all, it would have been suspicious if one of the high priests lingered too long in the hallways of the Kuchiki household.

"Remember," Shuhei reassured him, "the most important thing is to remain as calm as you can, and to keep in mind that the feelings you sense are not your own."

"Yes, I remember. And I know that I should not try to take control of my actions if it happens that Byakuya is dreaming of me."

"Good, you were paying attention. It will come in handy. Just pop the pill, and let yourself go."

Shuhei sighed as he left Renji's room. He knew something was off in the household. The Second never showed any emotions; contempt and disinterest were not exempt. Since Renji became a member, it seemed that Byakuya exerted an unusual effort to keep himself aloof and distant, marring his usual air of noble indifference. He wondered whether Byakuya's sin was just a symptom of a possibly larger problem, a problem none of the high priests, not even Kenpachi Zaraki, took into account.

_It took Renji some time to get used to the absence of his own feelings. He felt his own ego abandon him as he drifted deeper into Byakuya's. While he was still in between realms Renji experienced a freedom he thought was not possible. He felt a soothing lack of his own personality, of any form of thought or knowledge. A truly liberating experience. This strange nirvana lasted only for a few brief moments, until he awoke within Byakuya's dream._

_Renji entered Byakuya's office without knocking. Strange. He would never dare to do so in reality, probably not even in his own dreams, and Byakuya allowed it. _

"_Morning," he heard himself say. But it was not him saying it, these were Byakuya's words in his mouth._

_Byakuya lifted his gaze from the pile of papers on his desk. He smiled. _

"_Oh, thank you Renji. I really could use a cup of coffee. Would you pour me some, please?"_

_Byakuya never drank coffee, only tea. He never said thank you, and he more certainly never said please. Renji obeyed his polite request without a word. He walked around the table and knelt next to Byakuya, who in turn touched his cheek lightly, and then traced the tattoos on his forehead. Gently. Tentatively. Lovingly._

_Byakuya's arm wrapped around Renji's neck and pulled him into a long kiss. The dream walker smiled into the kiss, and he said:_

"_Damn man, you taste so good." Renji smiled. He felt safe. It was what home would feel like if he ever had one. _

_Renji took the hand which languidly rested on his thigh, and he pulled it up, placing it on his groin. Byakuya's eyes widened, and Renji could feel a surge of lust and need swell over him. When he finally spoke, his voice was low, pleading._

"_Byakuya..."_

_His lover, for that was what they were in this dream, kissed him again, this time adding fervour, pushing violently into Renji's mouth, making him groan. Byakuya's lips travelled across the redhead's chin, down to his soft neck. His teeth sunk into the inviting flesh, while his hands worked around Renji's clothes._

_Byakuya took a moment to marvel at the naked body sprawled beneath him, unable to keep his hands from it. Renji could not physically experience the feel of Byakuya's skin on his own, nor could he feel any relief when he came into his mouth. But he could feel just how excited Byakuya was, how much the man wanted him, and how much solace he found in him._

_Renji gasped for air. It felt like hot, thick fluid pressed onto his lungs as he fought for air. Everything went black, all of a sudden, and he was overwhelmed by a nauseating feeling. Byakuya's voice brought him into a new scene, whispering from behind him._

"_Renji? Renji, are you ok?"_

"_I'm fine," he said, finally taking in the scene he was so violently dragged into. They were in a bathtub, Renji was slightly bent over, while Byakuya washed his wild red hair. His fingers massaged his scalp, drawing sighs of pleasure from Renji._

"_Lean your head back," Byakuya said as he turned on the water to rinse Renji's hair. He then pulled him to his chest, and rested his head on Renji's shoulder. Again that feeling, a feeling of home, of sanctuary with no walls and no doors. Slim arms wrapped around Renji's waist pulling him closer. A strangest feeling took over him. He could not feel Byakuya's erection against his back, but he could feel it in his brain, his own unplugged consciousness was somehow wrapped around it. That was the way he experienced every physical sensation in this dream, directly with his detached thoughts that were not really his own. That was how he felt Byakuya nibbling on his ear, just before whispering intimately into it._

"_Renji..."_

_He sensed the words before he could actually hear them. He felt it even before Byakuya's lips moved to form_ words. And then he woke up, unable to grasp it. The unsaid, amorphous words echoed in his brain as he was getting a hold of his own thoughts, of his own feelings.

_"Renji, tonight, I want to feel you inside of me."_


	9. Invisible Constraints

**AN** – _Well, this chapter took some major hits. I revised the hell out of it, and that's why it took me so long to update. It's a bit longer than usual, bear with it. Hope it was worth the wait. _

_Just to remind you, Byakuya received his punishment in the last chapter for his illicit dream walking. Renji visited Byakuya's dream only to learn that his master had some unexpected desires and needs._

_

* * *

_

Renji was seriously considering spending the rest of his life in his room in the Kuchiki household. He was also more than willing never to lay eyes on the master of the household. It was the first time in his life that he felt as a coward. This time there was no bandits to fight, no angry mob to fend off. It was only a man with certain feelings and … desires. He was not ready to cope with those. The words still lingered in his head, adamant and persistent. As much as he tried to convince himself that sometimes our subconscious plays nasty games, he could not stop thinking about what Byakuya _said _he wanted. What's more, the redhead could not stop the way those words nibbled at his own growing desire to do just what the dream walker had asked for.

The man himself, the Second of the Yumearuku order, the esteemed head of the Kuchiki household, was sitting on his futon, equally unprepared to meet the day and all the day entailed. He knew that Renji was in that dream. He felt the redhead's invading presence in his head as his dream was taking shape. He could have controlled it. He could have stifled back those words and make the dream bland an uninteresting. Yet for some reason he decided to let it all out. And it felt so fucking good. The Second was unable to remember when was the last time he had such a liberating experience. However, taking liberties always had a price. He let his body fall back onto the futon. There was no way he could evade Renji. As much as his pride and his mind wanted to do just that, he fostered a strange, almost perverse desire to see the redhead. He wanted to see the knowledge of his own desires behind those burning eyes.

Renji managed to force himself into his 'working' clothes. He subdued his hair in the usual way, and he was almost ready to face the music. The knock on his door flooded him with dread. Byakuya would not do such a thing as visit him after what had happened? Would he? Another, more nervous knock ensued, asking to be acknowledged. Renji froze, unable to utter a single word.

"Abarai, are you still asleep?" the voice behind the door questioned. Tentatively. I guess Renji had more than a few misconceptions about his master.

"I'm awake," he answered, feeling some strange compulsion to see what will happen once Byakuya was in front of him. "Come in."

Byakuya closed the door. He decided to pay Renji a visit, because waiting for the redhead to appear would tear his nerves into shreds. He did not want to go through the agony of anticipation every time he heard footsteps in the hallways of the household.

"I guess we should talk," Renji offered. Byakuya did not reply. He walked over to the window to let the mild sunlight in the room. He felt an urge to jump through the window and run away. He sighed and turned to Renji, still frozen in the middle of the room.

"Listen, Abarai, I do not know what you think happened in here," Byakuya said, tapping his forehead lightly, "but I assure you that my thoughts and subconscious desires are not something I am prepared to discuss with you."

That was all it took to melt Renji's apprehension. It was all it took to piss him off. The Second had a talent. The way he spoke, the way he held his chin high, the way his posture was always upright and rigid, the way his eyes were dulled by feigned boredom... it all pissed the hell out of Renji. There was a hint of innate dishonesty in everything Byakuya did and said, making it impossible to pinpoint what the man really felt. That's way the redhead reacted the way he did after hearing another knock.

"What the fuck is this? A train station?"

Yumichika appeared on the doorstep, and for the first time both Renji and Byakuya were glad to see the man.

"The First wants to see both of you," the servant said. "How fortunate you are both here so _early_ in the morning."

Byakuya decided to ignore the last remark. Yumichika was no idiot. As irritating and self-absorbed he was, he had an amazing feeling for things that took place around him.

"What about?" Renji asked. Yumichika smiled at him. Maybe he wouldn't despise the newcomer so avidly if Byakuya was not fascinated by him. Everyone knew just how much Yumichika hated the Second.

"That is none of my business, Abarai-san. I was given an order, and I obeyed it. As simple as that."

He did not mind playing the ignorant servant. It pleased him that everyone thought he was a decoration Kenpachi kept around for the fun of it. They all simply hated him, and nobody took the time to wonder why Yumichika decided to remain a mere servant for so many years.

"We will be there shortly," Byakuya said. Yumichika bowed and left.

The dream walker closed the distance between himself and Renji in an attempt to make a point. He was not aware just how near the edge Renji was when he did so. The dream world spilt into reality, and for a moment, Renji had forgotten where his place was. He grabbed Byakuya and practically carried him across the room, slamming him against the wall.

"You know what you are, _Kuchiki-sama_?" he hissed at his captive.

Byakuya offered him a mirthless smile before he spoke, making Renji's determination waver.

"If you don't let me go, I will show you just what I am."

Byakuya's cold stare reminded Renji who was the master. He released him and squeezed an apology through his teeth. Byakuya straightened his clothes. Everything was a mess, and he was the one responsible for it.

"You have two more of those pills."

"Yeah. So?"

Byakuya slid the door open and said, as he was walking out:

"Whatever you see, whatever you think you see do not forget it is all a dream. And you know what dreams are, Abarai, don't you?"

"No, but I'm sure you'll tell me," Renji replied, some residual irritation showing in his words, in his clenched fists.

Renji followed Byakuya down the hallway. He did not enjoy talking to Byakuya's back. But he knew that his back betrayed almost as much emotions as his eyes did.

"Dreams are only echoes of things desired, of things that might be. Only a dream walker can tell the difference between an echo of a desire and desire itself."

Renji laughed.

"You really think I can wrap my mind around that philosophical bullshit?"

"Please, stop playing stupid around me. It insults me."

* * *

Yumichika made his way down the hallway, into Kenpachi's bedroom. He did not bow down, nor did he acknowledge the First's superiority in any way as he approached his master.

"Zaraki-sama, I found the two in Abarai Renji's room," he said. Kenpachi lifted a quizzical eyebrow, not giving a second thought to Yumichika's words. His servant held the dark robe high in the air. Kenpachi still had to bend his knees in order to put it on. He lifted his hands slightly as Yumichika tied the robe around his waist. There was something on Yumichika's mind, and Kenpachi knew he had to ask if he wanted to know.

"What is it, Ayasegawa-san?"

Yumichika fumbled around the fabric of Kenpachi's clothes, aggravated by the ugliness of the knot he tied.

"Yumichika?"

"It's weird," Yumichika said, taking a few steps back.

"What? Abarai and Kuchiki?"

"Yes. I mean, what was Byakuya doing there so early in the morning?" Yumichika asked, trying to mask the jealousy in his voice. Kenpachi sighed.

"I told you what happened. Renji visited Byakuya's dreams last night. They were probably talking about that."

They were walking down the hallway. Yumichika could not let the matter go.

"There's more in it than dream walking."

Kenpachi chose not to respond until they were both seated in his office. He motioned to Yumichika to sit closer.

"When two people go through that experience it changes their relationship. It is a very intimate and invasive act. That's why it is forbidden between people who know each other."

"And yet you allowed Renji..."

"You of all people should be glad about me teaching Byakuya a lesson." Yumichika smirked at his master's remark, knowing too well how glad he was. Still, there was something about Renji and Byakuya that made him doubt Kenpachi's insight.

"Would you do me a favour, Zaraki-sama?" Yumichika asked.

"Of course."

"Check Byakuya's dreams. I have a hunch you'll find something unexpected there."

"You want me to dream-walk just because you have a hunch?" Kenpachi's question carried undertones of warning and reprimand. Yumichika had to try hard to disregard those warnings before he answered:

"Please."

Kenpachi sighed. He always had a hard time saying no to his main servant.

* * *

"Have a seat," Kenpachi offered after Yumichika showed the two men in.

"I have invited you to inform you of my decision."

Byakuya and Renji shared a look before they concentrated on the First once again. The look conveyed a shared fear of Kenpachi knowing what was really going on between them. Byakuya had to try hard to maintain his composure. Renji simply did not care. He was still pissed off, and all the surrounding emotions faded away almost instantly.

"Renji, I'm giving you a choice. You can either leave the monastery or join us forever."

Byakuya reacted before Renji processed the information.

"What? Zaraki-sama that is highly unorthodox. I do not think..."

"I do not remember asking for your opinion, Kuchiki-san. I think you do understand why I haven't included you in this decision." The remark was enough to remind Byakuya just how colossally he had screwed up. The decision to offer someone a post as a trainee after so little time would normally be reached by him and Kenpachi together. He was excluded because of his own impudence.

"So you're offering me to join the order?"

"Yes. This means that you will have to commit to us for the remainder of your life. The moment you decide to join, you will be given a drug without which you cannot live longer than a year."

Renji looked at Kenpachi in bewilderment.

"I suppose Kuchiki-san did not tell you this. The drug is designed to prolong life span. Unfortunately the side-effect is severe addiction."

"I see."

"Your decision, Abarai-san?"

"What? Now?"

"Yes. Now."

Byakuya was staring into the floor unable to understand why Kenpachi did not simply kick Renji out. It would have been simpler. Less paperwork. Less questions.

"Kenpachi-sama, if I may say something?" Byakuya interjected.

"Yes, go ahead."

"Normally, it takes years to deserve a right to even apply for training. I do not understand the reasoning behind your decision."

Kenpachi stood up and started pacing around the room, pretending not to notice the way Renji's eyes ran to his master's side every so often.

"Do you remember what you did, Kuchiki-san?" Byakuya nodded.

"Well, this decision is a result of that. To be more precise, it is a result of the punishment you received." Kenpachi turned to the redhead. He hoped that Renji would opt out of the service. it would make things easier.

"Well, Abarai-san?"

Renji wanted to stay, he wanted to experience the amazing feeling of drifting out of himself and into someone else. Into Byakuya. He wanted to feel Byakuya's thoughts so badly. He wanted for the night to come so he can see the uninhibited Kuchiki Byakuya, so he can feel him inside his brain. Echoes or not, he wanted it. He needed it. It was hard for him to think about what the offer entailed. His mind was completely immersed into the world in which his beautiful master was unleashed and free from his invisible constraints. Renji smiled. Maybe if he signed up for life, he might even get a glimpse of Byakuya losing himself in reality.

"Yeah, ok," he said.

"Abarai, think about it a little," Byakuya said, in a pleading voice, making Kenpachi realize why Yumichika had a hunch about those two.

"I don't have any plans," Renji said jovially, "might as well sign up."

* * *

It was a brisk day. The summer was not yet gone, but the nipping coldness of the morning announced that soon autumn will come, and nature will prepare for its winter rest. Renji finished with the move, and he stared distantly into his old room, almost nostalgically. The non-clergy and the deacons were rustling about the monastery, making preparations for the annual festival which was to take place in a week. The large yard connecting all the households had to be cleaned and decorated.

The air of joviality spreading through the entire monastery did not brush off on Renji. He was still upset and confused. He fought hard against his desire to visit Byakuya's dreams again. It took all the resolution he could muster not to take the pill again. It was an easy way to get what he wanted, and he decided against it.

All he needed now was an excuse to visit Byakuya, and he found it. Now he needed to find an equally forceful amount of courage to knock on the Second's door. He swallowed and he finally knocked.

"Come in," he heard the familiar voice. The sound of it was different now, changed by the silence of the dream they shared.

Renji stepped into Byakuya's bedroom, and he closed the door behind him. The sight did surprise him somewhat; after all, reality was more intense than any dream. His dark hair flowed free across his face, framing it. Renji had to remind himself to breathe.

"Yes?"

"I felt obliged to say goodbye to you, Kuchiki-sama. I'm leaving the household today."

"Well, goodbye," Byakuya said, not even looking at the redhead. Renji would have attributed it to Byakuya's strong dislike of him, but now he was inclined to doubt his old convictions. He stood at the door, without moving, hoping his unrelenting presence will force Byakuya to speak.

"Are you sure, Abarai? You can still change your mind." Byakuya said after fumbling around his hair, placing it into the kenshikan.

"Why wouldn't I be sure?"

"Kurotsuchi-san will extend your life span, and you will have to spend that life span within the boundaries of this monastery, in strict celibacy, and sometimes, undaunting loneliness."

Renji could have swore he heard pain deep within those words. It sounded as if Byakuya was sentencing him to priesthood, not offering information.

"I know."

Byakuya finally looked at Renji. How could a man like him make a decision which entailed subduing his violent and forceful nature, his intense feelings, his body, which seemed to be made for sin?

"You think you can handle that? The isolation, the _celibacy_? Forever, and longer."

Renji wanted to speak his mind, but saying _I want to see you lose control _seemed a bit too much, especially if you take into account that this was by far the longest conversation the two men had, and that for the first time, there was an air of equality between them.

"Yes. I'm quite resilient," Renji answered with a smirk.

Byakuya sighed and added a perfunctory _Good luck _which was meant to signify the end of their conversation and their relationship.

"Kuchiki-sama?" Apparently Renji did not agree, as he extended his arm, and made a few steps toward his former master. He wanted to give him something. Byakuya opened his palm, and two red pills dropped out of Renji's fist. Byakuya stared incredulously at them for a few moments. He closed his palm to feel their shape, as to assure they were really there.

"What is this?" he blurted. "What is the meaning of this?"

"I don't want to do that again," Renji explained. "It feels wrong, doing it to someone who does not want it, to someone you know."

"Really?" Byakuya clenched both of his fists.

"I suppose you're saying you're better than me. You did it once, and decided to stop. And I, I did it three times, would have probably done it again if I was not caught." Byakuya bit his lip, hating himself for letting his tongue move faster than his brain.

"I don't think I'm better than you. Hardly. I don't particularly like what you did, but I don't mind it either. I guess, in a way, I am flattered that you showed an interest in me, whatever the true nature of it may be."

Byakuya just stared at Renji, unable to say anything in response to Renji's sudden bout of honesty.

The redhead scratched his had distantly, smiling mildly.

"The thing is, I wear my heart on my sleeve. I don't tend to stifle my emotions, and if I happen to try, I am bound to fail. If you ask any of my friends they'll all say I'm pretty much an open book."

His friends. And what was Byakuya to him? A master? Not anymore. A friend? They have never shared an intimate moment. They have never spent meaningless hours together. Byakuya realized at that point, that he had no friends at all.

"And you...Well, you value your privacy. Many consider you to be a cold, apathetic man with no feelings. I know you have feelings. Everybody does. You just don't like them advertised. I guess that's why it seems so wrong to me, to enter your dreams."

Byakuya did not like it. Being dissected by his former servant, being told what he was like, what others thought of him. He laughed.

"So you think you know me? You really are an insolent little bastard," remembering Renji's last dream.

Why was he doing it? There was Renji, being selfless and understanding, and he just could not suppress his need to pour vile, ungrateful words out of his mouth. Renji said nothing. He just looked at Byakuya, insulted. _He really wears it on his sleeve,_ Byakuya thought.

"I guess now I owe you one," he opened his palm and inspected its content. "Make that two."

That was where Renji snapped.

"Know what? Screw you, man. I mean, when did I ever ask anything from you? Tell me? I did not ask for those red pills! I did not ask for an apology! I did however expect to be treated with a little decency, having in mind that I am, after all, a human being."

Byakuya knew it that was the first time he was privy to real Renji. To the one his friends saw. The redhead's true nature was magnificent, and it suited his ferocious physical appearance. He had to struggle against the urge to touch Renji, to feel his heat and his life force.

Renji was about to leave, when the sound of Byakuya's voice froze every single muscle in his body.

"Renji, I apologize. I guess sometimes even I have difficulty controlling my temper." He chuckled, strangely amused by his own words. "Years of reticence only stifle a bad temper, I guess."

He was afraid to turn around. He was afraid of the warmth in Byakuya's eyes, of his mellowed features. He was afraid of his own name on those lips.

"Renji?"

He turned around, with a mild smile on his face.

"I'll accept your apology, if you accept mine. I really was insolent."

Byakuya played with his hair, twisting it around his finger. A pointless motion, something he rarely resorted to. That was the first time Renji noticed more than a hint of humanity in Byakuya.

"I deserved it," Byakuya admitted. He then walked over to Renji and offered him a hand.

"Good luck with your training. I am certain you will succeed."

"Thank you, Kuchiki-sama."

It was time for Renji to take his leave, but Byakuya was still holding his hand in a tight grip. Not letting him go. He wanted to pull the redhead to him, he wanted to kiss him again, he wanted...well, Byakuya wanted so many things all of a sudden. It was too much to bear for a man who never wanted anything except to become a priest. Renji's heart started pounding as if he was able to sense what Byakuya wanted. They stood like that for a while, and both of them seemed to deliberate whether they should or shouldn't. The latter prevailed. Byakuya loosened his strong grip, and Renji's hand fell lifelessly by his side. When he realized, disappointed, that the moment of forbidden opportunity was dead and gone, he turned around and left to take his post as a trainee.

* * *

Byakuya was lying on top of his futon, and on top of him lied a redhead, whose tongue traced the soft skin stretched over the dream walker's collar bone. His soft moan was accompanied by a feint jingle, and a soundless chuckle. Kenpachi Zaraki sat on the floor next to the futon, and he stared unyieldingly at the two men, a few steps away from intercourse. The redhead did not stop, his tongue traveled further down, nipping Byakuya's hard nipple. Byakuya moaned again, knowing that the First did not allow for his dream to dissipate.

"Please stop," Byakuya begged, looking at Zaraki. It no longer felt like Renji's fingers were caressing him, because the strongest of the dream walkers took possession of Byakuya's dream.

"Are you sure you want me to stop him?" Kenpachi asked, his face grim, anger lingering in his dark eyes. His Second was really out of it, allowing this kind of indulgence.

"Yes! Make him go away!" Byakuya yelled, as he felt Renji's fingers work around the clothes covering his groin. In a second, Renji evaporated, and Byakuya found himself fully dressed, sitting across Kenpachi Zaraki in a room devoid of pretty much everything. The only man who was allowed to walk the dreams of the priests was sitting peacefully, his eyes closed. Byakuya felt fear run up and down his spine, and he did not know was he truly afraid, or was Kenpachi playing with his mind. He did not like it.

"I could make him go away forever, you know," Kenpachi finally spoke, his voice echoing inside of Byakuya's head.

"Please, don't." pleading and being submissive was pretty much all he could think of in this situation, and he was glad that Zaraki allowed him free reigns over his own words and thoughts. The First could do it, though. He could completely alter Byakuya's mind, he could make him feel romantically interested in a fern, if he wanted to. Thankfully, Zaraki expressed no desire to tamper with Byakuya's mind.

"Is _that_ what you want, Byakuya? I mean, are you really ready to abandon your life because of _that?_" Every time the First used the pronoun, Byakuya's mind was assailed by lascivious images of Renji. _That – _Renji on the futon naked, his back arched, body glistening with sweat. _That _– Renji's red hair spread across his thighs, his head moving up and down. He had to take a few minutes to regain his composure, and to remember what he was asked.

"What I want, and what I do are two different things, Kenpachi-sama."

"Mhm. Really? Because if I am not mistaken you have kissed him, and that alone is enough to charge and excommunicate you."

"I did not kiss him. He kissed me," Byakuya defended himself, feeling pathetic in the process. But he could not help it, the man sitting opposite him was capable of committing atrocities in the name of faith. Sure, he never chose to do so, but this was a new occurrence.

"Don't bullshit me, Byakuya. He might have been the instigator, but you wanted it, you enjoyed it. And you want to do it again. Not only that. You want that boy to do all sorts of unsavoury things to you, and you want to reciprocate, don't you?"

By now, he was desperate. There was no way he could lie and make it stick.

"What I want, and what I do are two different things," he reiterated.

"Byakuya, you know we have held people accountable for less than what you have done. And even if that was not true, you are still a Yumearuku high priest, and as such you are held to a higher standard than some ordinary farmer-boy."

"I know," Byakuya conceded, his chin touching his chest. There was no point, was there? Whatever he said, the truth was there, and it was obvious. He wanted the redhead, badly. Denying it had no purpose.

Kenpachi sighed. He did not plan for things to take this course. The illicit dream walking was to be the end of the affair. Byakuya would feel humbled by his own lack of self-control, and his omnipresent pride would subside, and that would be it. He had hardly expected that the redhead would stir up this kind of feelings and desires. He thought there was nothing more than Yumichika's feelings for Byakuya behind his request. Kenpachi was disappointed to learn that his servant's hunch had been correct. I guess he was mistaken. His Second was not as cold and composed, as dispassionate as he had believed all these years.

Having been brought to a two way road, he did not like either path. He could take the one which would lead to Byakuya's excommunication and imminent death. That same path would lead to losing the only suitable successor. Kenpachi still strongly believed that Byakuya was made for the job, regardless of his transgressions.

And then, there was the other road.

"I'm reassigning him after the festival," Kenpachi finally spoke, having decided to take the second path. After all, he was the one who brought about all this trouble upon himself and upon Byakuya. The unforeseen development was unfortunate, but being the man that he is, Kenpachi decided to, yet again, take a risk for the sake of his Second.

"Reassigning him..." Having realized what Kenpachi's words implied, he suddenly went dumb. The last time there was a reassignment it was just after the First decided to name Byakuya as his Second. Aizen Sousuke was then sent to the West Fenore monastery , where he took the post of the Second, and where he was to act as Kenpachi's counterpart, still under his command.

No more Renji. It was strange how painful the thought of his absence was. They had minimal contact lately, and that was likely to be reduced to no contact at all. Still, the fact that the redhead was there, within the confines of the monastery, was soothing. It might seem as nothing, but the proximity, and the fact that they shared the same prison, still offered solace, and as false as it was, it offered hope.

"You have three days, Byakuya. Three days."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm giving you three days to do whatever it is that you want to do with that boy. After three days, you send Abarai Renji on his merry way to continue his training at the West Fenore monastery, and you come back here. I also want you to promise me that you will purge him from your dreams, as we both know you are perfectly capable."

"You' are actually going to allow me to leave the monastery? How are you going to explain that?"

"I do not explain things if I do not want to, Kuchiki Byakuya."

Byakuya woke up confused. He was given three days of solitude with Renji. He would have considered it a good thing if he actually had his feelings in order, and if he was sure that his dreams were something he was prepared to experience in reality.


	10. Silver Lining

Renji was sitting in the yard of the monastery, staring into the grey sky. Will that dull grey be the one thing that will remind him of Byakuya's eyes? Fuck. He was getting mushy. Over another man. What the hell was going on? The redhead had to admit that he had no idea how the change had happened. Or when. At one moment he was a nomad, a constant traveller with no ties. Now, he was feeling all achy and depressed about leaving. Like a little girl. He shrugged, deciding that it was to late to analyze the situation. It was already there, and no way out of it presented itself. In five hours, when everyone is sound asleep, he will leave. Under the cover of the night. Like a thief. At least that was familiar. Sneaking out was a habit of his. Feeling pain and loss over having to do so was a new thing. Balance. Byakuya, the dark priest with long limbs and icy eyes - another new thing. A hand landed on his tense shoulder. Shuhei.

"Hey," the deacon said, sitting next to Renji, uninvited, but welcomed. He lit up a cigarette and inhaled. The deacon of the Kuchiki household was famous for his vices. Liquor, cigarettes, anything that fell within the boundaries allowed indulgences. No sex though.

"You look like you need one," he said.

Renji shook his head. He detested the taste. He also detested the fact that he had made good friends, friends he thought would always be there, friends who made his new life better. And now he was leaving, with a strict instruction not to inform anyone of his departure. Shuhei tried to find whatever it was in the featureless sky that drew Renji's attention.

"I'm leaving tonight," he said, without even pausing to think about whether he should or not. The deacon kept staring at the sky.

"Is he going with you?" he asked.

"Yeah," Renji said, glad that Hisagi was the one privy to Byakuya's transgression.

"How long?"

"Me, forever. Him, three days."

Renji felt an elbow nudging him in the ribs. Shuhei was offering him a cigarette again. He smiled, and lit one. At least that way, the awful aftertaste of recent events would be momentarily replaced.

"Sucks," the deacon added.

"Yeah."

There was not much things in life Renji appreciated as talking to Hisagi. Simple and to the point, just like Renji.

* * *

The night was pitch black, the only source of light was the lamp he carried in his hand which shed too little light. As Byakuya was nearing the gate, he realized he was afraid. There was too many things to fret about in the days to come, and he could not pinpoint which of those made the hairs on his neck stand up. Anxiety and trepidation were long forgotten in his life. It was more a sign of lack of anything and anyone substantial, than it was a proof of his courage and stamina. He was only a few feet away, when he saw the redhead, his hands on his hips, his eyes determined and unwavering. For the first time he questioned his decision to accompany Renji. But was that really a decision, or was it a compulsion, an instinct he had to follow, even if it meant the end of him?

It was different for Byakuya. He was leaving the safe bastion which guarded him against passion and ferocity. Stepping out after three decades was the same as willingly going into the eye of the storm. Not something a reasonable, disciplined high priest would do.

They stood before the closed gate, looking at each other, fully aware that once they leave things are going to change. It was easier to pull back, to be careful when there was danger of people finding out, when there was a feeling of rules lingering in the atmosphere, stifling, yet reassuring.

Renji opened the gate and simply stepped out. There was nothing oblique about Renji's approach to life, and Byakuya knew that outside the hierarchy of the monastery, he was bound to become the victim of Renji's directness. He followed the redhead, noting to himself he will not mind being Renji's victim.

* * *

"WHAT?" Jushiro screamed at the perfectly composed Zaraki Kenpachi. It took him a few moments to compose himself, and the First was considerate enough to grant him those moments so he can properly apologize.

"I apologize, Zaraki-sama. I am merely surprised."

Zaraki studied his fingers before he spoke in a nonchalant voice; the most feared sound in all of the Fenore.

"Are you asking me for an explanation, Ukitake-san?" Many would argue it impossible, but Jushiro managed to grow even paler at the tenor of Zaraki's words.

"No, Zaraki-sama," he said, bowing lower than it was necessary, " I would never presume to..."

"Be quiet. Kuchiki-san will be back in three days. The little nuisance called Abarai Renji will be forgotten, and life will go on as usual. Chapter closed."

"Yes, Kenpachi-sama," the Third conceded, and left.

The high priest was angry, and confused. He was in charge of security and if something was within his jurisdiction, this was. A high priest leaving the monastery with no escort? Preposterous. What was the First thinking? Something stirred inside Jushiro's brain at that moment, as he remembered the scene he had witnessed on the day of the festival. He shook his head. Zaraki Kenpachi would never allow for the two of them to be alone if that was true. The First was tolerant, too tolerant, when it came to Kuchiki Byakuya. But to approve of an illicit relationship was too much.

"Ayasegawa-san, please bring me some sake," Kenpachi said. Yumichika stared in bewilderment. He served his master for years, and he never served him alcohol. It was all Kuchiki Byakuya's fault, Yumichika concluded.

"Bring two glasses," Zaraki added, "I do not feel like drinking alone."

He was not supposed to leave. Kuchiki Byakuya should have felt insulted by the offer, his pride should have shown its ugly head to prevent him from leaving with Renji. But the Second did not even think twice before accepting his offer. I guess he did too good of a job of shatteringthat pride of his.

Yumichika set the tray in front of his master, and he poured the liquor. Kenpachi stared at his peacock and smiled as he brought the glass to his mouth. His servant curled up at his feet.

"Yumichika, when are you going to apply for priesthood?"

"I feel perfectly happy being your servant, Zaraki-sama. I do not need more, if there is more."

Zaraki smiled again. Yumichika always made him smile, and he was infinitely grateful for having such a beautiful, obsequious main servant. Sometimes, Yumichika allowed himself a bit too much liberty, but then again, the First himself took him into confidence, and he did not expect anything less.

"So you decided to let them have it," Yumichika ventured, bitterness obvious in his otherwise melodic voice. Kuchiki Byakuya was to have his cake and eat it too. After all, the damned Second will replace Kenpachi. As if that was possible.

"Yes I did," the First answered simply. Yumichika poured some more sake before he spoke again. Yumichika raised his head to look into his master's eyes.

"He did not deserve it."

"He did."

"Bullshit," Yumichika muttered and jumped to his feet. His gracious movements and affinity to precise syntax, reduced to a blunder of waving limbs and blurred sentences.

"Ayasegawa-san," Zaraki warned him, making him fall back into his usual role. Yumichika could not care less for Shuhei and other deacons despising his submissiveness, his unwillingness to better his position and to man-up. Kuchiki Byakuya, however, irritated him to the point of losing it in front of the First.

"I apologize," he said, wondering why was the Second allowed so much freedom. More than Kenpachi himself had.

The First spoke as ih Yumichika voiced the question: "I can do whatever I want, you know. This," he said, indicating the monastery with his hand, "is not a democracy. However, I chose to make it into something closely resembling one. That's why I'm respected. Not because they fear me, but because I acknowledge them."

Yumichika curled at his master's feet once again.

"You scare the shit out of them," the servant said, "precisely because you allow them so much."

* * *

Since the day Abarai Renji entered his life, Byakuya learned a lot of things about himself and about his religion. Now, he was about to learn another truth.

The day was crisp, but unusually dry and sunny. It would have been enjoyable walking in such weather in the company of someone dear. However, both traveler that came to the market that day were uncapable of being dear to the other.

Byakuya realized that they attracted too much attention. No. Not they. He was quite sure that no one even noticed that the redhead had company. Renji's red hair seemed on fire under the noon sun, and since they have stepped into the crowded market, Byakuya's companion seemed to have grown, physically. He stared at Renji, sure that he was not that tall yesterday. Byakuya could swear that those shoulders were not as wide, and he was most certainly convinced that the curves of those tattoos were not so damn…curvy. Renji did not walk from stall to stall, he glided, he flowed from one vendor to the other, smiling, joking, and bargaining. Byakuya, on the other hand felt awkward for the first time in three decades. He bumped into people, and they frowned and smirked at his clumsiness. In the world filled with colourful people he was monochrome.

When the shopping was done, they found a bench. Renji smiled at Byakuya and offered him a green apple. Simply too much colour in everything, Byakuya noticed, looking intently at his wild companion. He took an offered apple, wiped it on his sleeve and bit into it angrily; as if it was the apple's fault it was so green.

"There's a cottage I know on the border," Renji said, amused with the reversal of their roles. With no rules to bind them, Byakuya obviously felt out of place.

"That'll do," his monochrome companion said, only then realizing what that cottage on the border implied. He choked on the last bite od the apple. Renji struck him across his back a few times, and the gracious noble spat out the chunk.

"Fuck!" Byakuya yelped, the interjection surprising him more than it did Renji, who just laughed.

"Calm down, man. It's gonna be all right," Renji said, placing a reassuring hand on the dream walker's knee. Byakuya cringed at the gesture, moving away.

"Temper yourself, Abarai," he said in a authoritative whisper, making Renji frown.

"Won't work," the redhead informed him. "You are not my superior any more. Out here, you have to deserve that title."

Byakuya gave him an angry stare.

"You know, Abarai, you've been quite insolent since we left. I'm not sure I find that appealing."

"Cut the crap, Kuchiki-sama. You fucking love it, and you know it." Then he leaned over and whispered into Byakuya's ear.

"Later, I'll show you just how insolent I can be."

* * *

"What the hell are you doing?" Byakuya's surprised yell was coupled with a familiar hit on Renji's naked chest, rolling him off the blanket.

"What the hell did it feel like?" Renji asked, frustrated, angry, wanting. He sat up, the cold of the wooden floor raising goose bumps all over his skin. Byakuya stared, still unable to grasp why the redhead would do something like that. It made no sense. Renji sighed and scratched the back of his head, forcing a smile upon his lips.

"Byakuya," he said, "have a little faith, would you. I know what I'm doing."

He was trying desperately to tame his desire to disregard Byakuya's coyness. Having sampled the man only a moment ago, made the task difficult, to say the least. He knew that following the flow of Byakuya's dark hair over his shoulders, tracing over his forearms down to the bulge in the blanket was not going to be a deterrent. He did it anyway, the hell with it.

"You did this before? With a man?" Byakuya asked, forcing out the words, not really wanting to ask, but yearning to know. The moment he heard Renji say he knew what he was doing he felt a strange emotion surge through him. Something gripped him deep inside, making him agitated, breathless. He failed to recognize it as jealousy, because, being the man he was, there was nothing others had and he wanted.

"No. Not with a man," Renji explained. "But I did it enough times with enough women to know what I'm doing. Ok?"

The feeling abated, somewhat, and Byakuya took a deep breath.

"Can't we do it without _that_?" he asked, explaining _that_ with a small nod. Renji smiled. It was fun seeing Byakuya so confused, so distraught by such a small thing.

"I don't understand what's the big deal."

"You tried to put your finger…." The dream walker looked away as his voice trailed off.

Renji jumped to his feet, and started pacing nervously, still appearing blissfully unaware of his nakedness.

"I thought you wanted me inside of you! My finger is a part of me you know?" he blurted, pointing his index finger at Byakuya, who slumped back onto their improvised bed to hide the colour of his face.

"I am not comfortable with this conversation."

He heard Renji's agitated footsteps circling the bed. Then the sound of those footsteps faded and he jolted up, afraid that Renji might be gone. The level of pain which bit him at the moment he thought Renji might be gone made him scared of the time when it will come true.

"I am sorry," Byakuya broke the silence, "I do not feel very thrilled with the idea, that is all."

"You said you wanted me. I kissed you, I undressed you, I was holding you in my arms, and those sounds you made did not indicate that you were uncomfortable."

"I was not. I am now, though." He squirmed under the coarse fabric of the blanket. It chafed against his skin in all the wrong places.

"You do understand what 'wanting me' entails, don't you? How the fuck do you think _this_ will feel like if you're being squeamish about a finger?" Byakuya looked at Renji's cock, and the size of it made him shudder. He was not sure was he scared or excited by the sight. It looked somehow belligerent, Byakuya noticed. Enticing, too.

In his dreams Renji never fucked him. He dreamt of them after they had done it, he dreamt of them as they were about to do it, but the act itself, the intercourse of two men, was still wrapped in a thick shroud of mystery.

Renji realized he'd forgotten to swallow as he almost choked on his own saliva. At least he did not have to remind himself to breathe. It did not really matter. He can wait until Byakuya falls asleep and then he will jerk off the frustration built up by the coitus interuptus. Not the best case scenario, but he really did not want to force the dream walker to do something he obviously did not want. Or did he? If he didn't know better, Renji would have thought Byakuya was just a little tease. God knows he wanted him to be one. That would mean he was going to get some, eventually.

"Can't you do it without the finger," Byakuya managed to voice his thoughts.

"No."

"Why?"

"Because it will hurt as hell if I don't…if I don't stretch you before."

"Oh." Byakuya could not help it. The uncomfortable conversation made his body feel too comfortable. Hearing Renji say what he needs to do to him aroused him. He turned to his almost-lover and saw Renji was smiling, wickedly, as if he had read his thoughts. The redhead knelt, leaned over and with a lingering grin and a husky voice he whispered into Byakuya's ear:

"I'll have to put at least two in, you know. And I'll have to move them so I can fit inside of you later." He felt Byakuya's hand on his thigh, his nails clawing the soft flesh and he threw the blanket off. Maybe Byakuya really was a little tease. His crawling hand moved down from Byakuya's nipple to his cock. He treated his reluctant lover to a few strokes, just so he can hear him moan, feel his spine curve under his touch, his hips pushing into the fist. A look of utter disappointment was aimed at Renji as he withdrew his hand.

"Lick it." As soon as he said it, Byakuya opened his mouth and took the offered finger in. He seemed to have lost all the coyness. His lips curved up into a clumsy smile around Renji's finger, as he was slowly coming to realize that he wanted that finger down there. Preparing him. Stretching him for an experience he wanted so badly.

* * *

Renji held his legs pinned as far down as he could.

"Say it, Byakuya. I'm not doing it if you don't."

He enjoyed the undignified position he was in, spread by the strong hands of his redhead beast, manipulating his body into a vessel for his primitive lust.

"I want you," Byakuya said.

_Teasing,_ Renji thought. He was hardly in a mood for games, but it seemed to turn Byakuya on, so he was ready to suffer through it. He bit Byakuya's leg without holding back, making his whimper a unity of pain and delight.

"Where?"

"Inside of me, Renji. I want you inside of me."

And what could Renji do but grant the dream walker's wish?

* * *

Renji could not fall asleep. He thought after getting rid of all that sexual frustration, he would be able to sleep as a baby. He was sorely mistaken. The light of the approaching dawn slowly crept up through the window, making him restless. Byakuya's head fitted so perfectly in the nook of his shoulder, his soft hair melting with the tattoos on Renji's chest. The weight of the dream walker's body and the warmth of his skin will soon be gone. Forever. He was not accustomed to brooding over the things to come. Normally, life just happened and he went with the flow. He did not like this particular stream. He wrapped his arm around Byakuya. Renji knew it was impossible to draw the man nearer, but still he tried, clinging desperately to the fleeting moment. Byakuya stirred, and opened his eyes.

"Renji? Why are you awake?" his lover asked, squirming against Renji's naked body. The redhead said nothing. He was not in the mood for one of their pointless discussions.

"Renji?"

It all made sense, and yet it was so completely crazy. Why had he gotten himself into this? And how on earth was he going to continue living without Byakuya? The dream walker was irritated with Renji's lack of response. He sat up and pulled on the mask of quiet superiority before he spoke again.

"Abarai, what is wrong with you?" It took him only one day of freedom with Renji to forget how to be cold and derisive.

"One down. Two to go," Renji said, his eyes riveted to the ceiling. All of his playful insolence was gone and Byakuya feared there was no way of recovering it. He stood up and lit the fire. When all else fails, it's time for tea.

"This was a bad fucking idea," Renji said.

"Really? Well that is just lovely. You should have told me that before we left, you know. Would have made things easier." Byakuya's voice trembled, but for some reason, he did not mind. He wanted Renji to know.

"You're an asshole," he muttered.

"Yeah, I know," the redhead said, smiling, turning to his side.

Byakuya fumbled around the fire, pointlessly rearranging the pots. He did not feel like looking at Renji.

"Come here, Kuchiki-sama," Renji purred. The request was supposed to be facetious and reassuring, but that mood was long gone. Nonetheless, Byakuya crawled into the warmth of Renji's arms.

"I guess my gloomy attitude ruined all chances for a morning fuck?"

"No, asshole, it didn't," Byakuya replied, and kissed the redhead.


	11. Blood and Tears

The smell of burning wood woke Byakuya up. He looked around with sleepy eyes and his gaze found Renji kneeling in front of the fire, motionless. The silence between them had become overwhelming and the words became even more scarce as the last day came. He stared at Renji's back, wanting to take a moment to marvel at his lover. He had hoped that his feelings for the redhead were purely carnal, and that, once that was satisfied, his mind will once again be at peace. But it just got worse. Renji's burning eyes, his wandering hands and his serving lips did not take away the pain of desire. They just made it worse, more infused with pain, which proved masochistically sweet.

"Dammit," he heard Renji say. The redhead rubbed his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

"Fuck," Renji added, stirring the fire with a stick. His crimson hair caught the light of the growing fire, and Byakuya desperately wanted to hold him. He did not know what stopped him from jumping to do just that, but something inside told him it was time to slowly revert to his old ways. It was the only way he was going to survive leaving Renji tonight.

"What if I told you I loved you?" Renji asked, feeling Byakuya's eyes boring into his back.

"What?" Byakuya needed to hear that one again. Renji stood up in all his glory. His shirt was open and his hair freely fell over his shoulders. The redhead's feral nature always reminded Byakuya how impossible was to resist a being so primal.

"What if I told you I loved you?" Renji repeated slowly, attempting a reassuring smile in the process. It became almost impossible for them to keep the playful mood going, as much as they both tried. And they did try.

"It's a hypothetical question," Byakuya noticed.

"No shit."

It was a pathetic scene, and both of them knew just how pathetic it was. Still they tried to mask the despair and fear of losing each other.

"I don't tend to answer hypothetical questions," Byakuya.

Renji grew grim. His emotional strength was at its limit and he was not sure just how long he will be able to continue bantering and joking with something that was so damn important to him.

"Lose the what if, and I'll answer it," Byakuya said, with a mild smile. Renji sat next to the dream walker, and wrapped his arms around him. Byakuya buried his face into the fire of Renji's hair, his hands limp on Renji's thighs.

Renji pushed his lover down onto the blankets, and, without a word, he started undressing him. His hands wandered over Byakuya's soft skin. For the first time since they were free, Byakuya cringed from Renji's touch; it felt dishonest and distant. Feeling the smaller body under him tense up, Renji hugged him hard, squeezing the air out of Byakuya's lungs, as if he was afraid of what will come out of his own mouth.

"Renji, you'll break my ribs."

Renji eased his grip, but he still held on, unwilling to look into Byakuya's eyes.

"Sorry," Renji murmured into a voracious kiss.

He bit Byakuya's neck as he felt nails dig into his flesh, desperately holding onto him. Both of them wanted to make love, to make real those words which refused to enter the real world. But the last joining of their bodies did not reflect love, it reflected the imminent death of it.

Renji was violent, not caring for what the body beneath him needed before he entered it. Byakuya screamed in anguish, but he could hardly object the welcoming physical pain. He held onto Renji, with his teeth, with his nails, his legs.

Renji fucked him hard, each thrust a brutal shock to Byakuya's body, every push a painful declaration of how much he was not ready go, to be apart from Byakuya. The tears in Byakuya's eyes did not make him stop, they made him push harder, with all of his weight and all of his strength poured into each push. He could not feel the pain in his shoulder when Byakuya bit him, making him bleed, but still, tears welled up in his eyes at the very same moment he came, feeling no relief.

Renji's body went limp. Byakuya could not catch a decent breath under Renji's weight, but he could not be merciless enough to ask him to move. He felt the violent tremors which shook Renji's body as he sobbed into his ear.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," the wounded redhead kept whispering, almost unaware. He was paralyzed and tears of guilt drenched his face.

"Be quiet, Renji," Byakuya whispered gently, putting his arms around his redheaded beast, caressing him comfortingly.

They lay in silence, two grown men, soundless sobs shaking their bodies and their souls. Byakuya cried in pain, Renji in guilt. It was easier to let out their pain now they had their respective reasons to do so.

Soon, they fell asleep.

* * *

**AN **- _I know, I know. It's short. Next chapter coming up tomorrow._


	12. Whispers

Yumichika poured another bucket of hot water into the tub, his meaningful sigh following the small splash of water. Kenpachi could not help but feel annoyed by the sigh. He needed to relax. If it was only for a few stolen moments, he wanted to forget about the monastery, about Kuchiki Byakuya. Most of all he wished that Yumichika would finally stop fretting about the Second.

"Do you need something else, Zaraki-sama?" Yumichika offered, not forgetting to let out another sigh, adding a hint of worry to his words.

Kenpachi jumped to his feet spilling water all over the room in the process.

"Stop it, Yumichika!" he bellowed, throwing Yumichika down to his knees. Yumichika averted his eyes. Even after all the years he spent with Kenpachi, he was still unable to withstand his anger on his feet.

"I'm sorry, Zaraki-sama. I'm sorry." Yumichika repeated his apokogy several times, fully aware why Kenpachi lost his temper.

Kenpachi shook his head, now almost amused, and he sat down into what remained of his bath.

"Water, Yumichika."

"Yes, Zaraki-sama!" his faithful servant replied with relief.

"Oh, and Yumichika, when you come back, make sure to say what's on your mind. I really can't stand when you whine and pout like a child."

Kenpachi knew what was to follow once Yumichika came back. He was in for another discussion about Kuchiki Byakuya, about Abarai Renji, and about the future of the Fenore monastery and the Yumearuku order. He was tired. Not only of his servant's endless need for attention, but of pretty much everything. Kenpachi never lied to himself, and he could not deny that lately he grew tired too often. The headaches grew more frequent, and at times he felt his head was bound to explode from the pulsating pain. The First wondered if anyone had noticed that he became prone to losing his temper. His body could take a few more years, and then he will become immune to the drug. It was high time to start preparing Byakuya for the transition.

* * *

"Renji?" Byakuya whispered softly. Renji did not move.

"Renji, wake up, please," he said with a trembling voice, and he was suddenly afraid he might cry again. His entire body ached beyond what words could begin to describe. But he could take that pain, the one caused by Renji's violent penetration.

Renji woke up, his eyes betraying just how surprised he was that he dozed off on top of Byakuya. He tried to smile, but when he failed, he freed Byakuya who felt that he was imprisoned by the body on top of him. Once Renji stood up, the dream walker still felt the reality of his imprisonment, even more acutely now that Renji's warmth slowly dissipated. He managed to get on his own two feet, but not without a tiny, painful yelp. Renji jumped at the sound, as if it reminded him of the violence of their last intercourse. He lowered his gaze, unable to say anything, fully aware that he had no right to apologize for something he did willingly.

"I'm fine," Byakuya offered.

"Really?"

"Mhm. Could you heat up some water, please? I need to clean up before I get dressed."

"Sure," Renji replied, thankful for the distraction, as meaningless as it was. He rekindled the fire, and went to fetch the water. When he came back, he noticed that the few things Byakuya had brought on their little trip were neatly packed by the door. He smirked at the satchel before putting the water on the fire.

Byakuya stood by the fire, and despite the blanket wrapped around his naked body, he could not stop shivering. Involuntary spasms of despair took over him, and not even hell's fire could take them away.

"Byakuya, what's wrong?"

Instead of answering, the dream walker dived into Renji's arms, and in an instant, the spasms ceased. He was afraid of what would happen once he wass unable to find those hands to keep him steady.

"The water is boiling," Renji informed him, and Byakuya wriggled out of the embrace. He tore one of his clean shirts and he put it in the boiling pot. After a few moments, he moved the pot away from the fire. Both of them stood over the shirt-broth, staring into it as if it could tell them their future. Byakuya distantly stirred the water a few times, with no obvious purpose.

Renji pulled out the piece of Byakuya's shirt out of the pot once the water was cold enough.

"I can do it myself," Byakuya said nervously.

"I know you can, but I want to do it. I messed you up. Let me at least have a feeling that I cleaned up my mess."

The dream walker took a step back. He did not want it. His pride took as many hits as it could withstand. He could not let Renji clean him up like he was a wounded, helpless little animal. But then he saw Renji's eyes, downcast and dim. All the reassurances that Byakuya offered were not enough to quell his lover's guilt. He let the blanket slide down his body. He turned his back to Renji, leaning against the wall, spreading his legs.

"If you thought I would never let you do it, you shouldn't have asked," Byakuya said into the wall, knowing that Renji was frozen by his acquiescence.

Encouraged, Renji closed the distance between them, and he pressed his chest onto Byakuya's bare back. He kissed his neck, and then his shoulder, trying to wordlessly convey his gratitude. He did not stop kissing him even after he pressed the warm fabric against Byakuya's aching skin.

Byakuya did not want to be aroused by this demeaning ritual. He was not prepared for the uninhibited sigh of utter delight which shook his chest when Renji gently pushed his clothed finger into him. He barely entered him, but still it made his heart lose rhythm. Renji pretended not to notice. He pretended so hard not to like it, that he had to bite on his lower lip to remind himself that Byakuya was in this position because of him. But the pretense did not last long. Renji dropped the cloth, and once his hand was free, he let his pants fall down around his ankles. He pressed his cock against Byakuya's ass, and his hand found its way around the dream walkers waist, slithering down his abdomen to find him hard and needy. He gripped Byakuya's cock in a vice-like grip, and he whispered:

"Don't worry, Kuchiki-sama, I won't fuck you. I know you can't take it."

Byakuya could swear he could actually hear Renji's playfully vicious grin in those words, and he could not care less. He pushed his hips back, rubbing Renji's erection with his ass, feeling the grip on his cock tighten even more with each sway. After a few moments, Renji grabbed Byakuya's shoulders and turned him around, pushing his back against the wall. With one of his hands he held Byakuya's arms pinned high against the wall, reminding the dream walker of how bruised and wounded his body really was.

"Kiss me, you insolent bastard," Byakuya moaned. Renji leaned into the kiss, grabbing both of their cocks with his free hand, rubbing them together, moving his hips almost imperceptibly. The redhead moved away from his lover, not too far, but far enough to watch them come together for the first time.

* * *

_**AN** - Chapter 13 coming tomorrow. I apologize for the collage, but I think this is necessary._


	13. Things Said, Things Left Unsaid

A tall man sitting in the chair at the far end of a dimly lit room did not betray any signs of agitation. His chin rested peacefully on his hand, and he stared in front of himself, unthinkingly, as if waiting patiently for something to happen.

He _was_ agitated, however, because he simply hated being told what to do. He could not stand when people simply informed him of his pending duty. It was below him to take instructions, especially those uttered without a shred of doubt that he will do as he was being told.

"You called for me, Aizen-sama," the man materializing from the darkness said. Sosuke stood up and he straightened his ivory robe, heavily embroidered with golden, meandering patterns. He walked over to his Second.

"I was _informed_ that a trainee from was reassigned to us," he said, the bitterness only vaguely present in his words.

"Oh?"

"Yes, I was informed a few minutes ago. Minutes," his anger started to show its teeth, and Sosuke had to take a moment to shut it up.

"If it's a problem, we can have him killed."

"Don't be stupid. What if he is a spy? After all..." Sosuke smiled as he slowly came to realize that the uninvited guest might prove to be useful.

"I see you are already forming a plan, Aizen-sama." Impossible as it appeared, Gin's smile widened, seemingly splitting his face in half.

"I've heard that Kuchiki-sama and that boy are _especially_ close."

"Oh?" Gin hissed. If the grinning spasm allowed it, his eyes would gleam with sadistic curiosity.

"Well, that's what I heard," Sosuke said, not wanting to reveal more that was necessary.

"We can use the newcomer, this Abarai Renji. He might come in handy when we start to move. After all, we have to wait for Kenpachi to abdicate before we do anything. That should give us enough time to use the newcomer."

"_That_ might take forever."

"I'm a patient man," Gin.

* * *

Byakuya stood at the door, his satchel in his hand. A tall, redheaded man stood intimately close to him, his mind reeling with all the ways he could stop Byakuya from leaving. He put his hand on the smaller man's shoulder, only to have it pushed away.

"Renji, I have to leave," Byakuya said matter-of-factly, as if it was no big deal.

"Stay with me," Renji heard himself say with a pleading voice.

Byakuya's face was an empty mask, a mask carried only by those who feel more than their bodies can handle.

"No," he answered curtly, "I made a promise and I have a duty to attend to."

Renji grabbed the dream walkers arm, trying to pull him out of the role of the Second of the Yumearuku order, the role he took once again as soon as he put on his robe.

"So, you're choosing duty over..." his thoughts trailed off into nothingness along with his words.

"Over 'what if'," Byakuya finished the sentence, laughing bitterly.

"We could be together for a whole year," Renji muttered. He wanted Byakuya to be prepared to give up his life for him. His plea was met with an almost forgotten, icy-gray stare.

"You're a fucking coward, Kuchiki-sama. Be a man!"

Byakuya dropped his things and his push made Renji take a few steps back. The dream walker's eyes lit up with a fire of something Renji had never seen before. Byakuya tamed a few lose strands of his dark hair, and he was composed when he said:

"A man? You're asking _me_ to be a man?"

"Yes."

Byakuya giggled nervously, and he lowered his head to hide his eyes.

"After what I've let you do to me, I doubt I'll ever be able to call myself a man again."

Renji felt the words as another hit to his chest, and he staggered away from his lover a few more steps. He never, ever imagined that Byakuya felt like that. His stupid anger vanished. He had no intention of hurting Byakuya, and yet it seemed that their relationship was built on the dream walker's pain.

"Don't say that... It's not true, it isn't..."

"You don't know, Renji. You cannot fathom what I have given to you."

Renji opened his mouth without even knowing what he wanted to say.

"Stop. I am leaving. Just stop..." _Stop hurting me, _Byakuya finished the sentence to himself and he closed the door behind him.

Renji fell to his knees, clutching his head tightly, unable to grasp what happened only moments ago.

He did not know how long he had been staring at the door, before realizing it was over. He waited, on his knees, for Byakuya to come back to say that he cannot live without him. But now, Renji had to face reality. And reality offered no dramatic turn of events, no last minute resolutions. His reality offered no surprise happy endings.

He felt dead. Byakuya hated him. That was the naked, undeniable truth. So, a dead man that he was, he mechanically packed his things. Probably, he would have stayed dead if he did not reach into his pocket to find two red pills. Renji's face brightened. He felt pain again, he felt the loss his life had sustained only a few hours ago. But he was alive. The two red pills resting on the palm of his hand meant that Byakuya was not sorry for what had happened between them. They meant that the dream walker, although broken, did not hate Renji.

* * *

**A/N** - _Well, this is the end of _Dream Walker_. I guess you did not see it coming. The story will be continued in _A Graveyard of Dreams_ which I am currently writing, and hopefully will start posting in a few weeks. I will make it a whole new story because, well, it will be a whole new story with new characters and an entirely new plot._

_Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. Most of all, thanks for sticking to the very end. I hope you'll check out the sequel once it's up._

_(If you want to be notified about the _Graveyard of Dreams_ look for me on twitter)  
_


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